The Ongoing Adventures of Naked Girl

Six Years Ago Today

2010-10-23T17:39:00.002-05:00

It was six years ago when I landed in Minnesota. Don picked me up, a big of wreck as I was. We unloaded my baggage at Extended Stay America and went for dinner and, more importantly, martinis. The dogs were on the flight behind me. I was a wreck on my flight -- panic attacks, crying jags. Bottom line, we all got here safe and sound. One of the big images of the night was getting to the cargo area and hearing Baja's bark ringing out in the hangar. I knew at that point they were here safe.

Nothing has been the same since.

I've had to learn about getting sprinklers blown, fall clean up, snowblowers, wildlife...

I'm Back

2010-10-16T17:24:00.002-05:00

OK, this is just for me now. I look back at my posts and see how great some of them were and it really got me going that I need a place to vent/express myself. Seeing how "blogging" is so O-V-E-R I figure no one will read this so I can really let go.

It's been almost six years since we moved to Minnesota. There are things I miss about living in Los Angeles. There are things I love about living here. There are some other things I don't like about living here, mostly the commute in snow in winter and the humidity/bugs in summer. I don't like being away from my family. I do love we get to go back for two weeks every year. I'm OK with my current job but know I could love the possibilities. I wish Don was happier/more secure in his. I don't want to move again -- unless it's back to California.

We're all going well. The dogs have adjusted and handle the colder weather and snow fine. In fact, the autumn break really gives them the zoomies, where they can spend the majority of the days outside enjoying the mild temps. Jager loves her gas-powered fireplace when the temps dip. Baja loves crunching through the fallen leaves.

October is hard for me. It's when I left my old life in LA for a new one in MN. There is a melancholy in what could have been. If 9-11 hadn't happened which resulted in the travel industry tanking or the NFL closing the LA office, we'd still be the happy family on Truxton, We're still a happy family, it's just several hundred miles away.

What A Weekend!

2008-09-01T16:37:00.002-05:00

We had such a great weekend. The weather was perfect - warm/hot but not too humid, a strong breeze to keep the air moving, lots of sun. I grilled spareribs on Saturday with grilled green beans (hard to keep them from falling through the grates, but worth it) and a white bean salad with corn, grape tomatoes and kalamata olives. Tonight, it's marinated rib-eyes with buttermilk potato salad and grilled corn with grilled peaches & vanilla ice cream topped with a honey-thyme sauce. Man, I love to cook...

I was able to spend a lot of time out on the deck, mostly reading. I did some shopping, but couldn't really take advantage of the Labor Day Sales - I don't need any clothes and we're trying to cut down on crap, so it I purchased things like new hangers, some skin care items I needed, etc. Pretty boring stuff...

I did have a good workout at the gym on Saturday and hope to continue it tomorrow. I wanted to go today, but I needed to go to the Apple Store to get my Mac fixed (password issue) and I could only get a very early appointment or a very late appointment. I need to get back into a routine so I'm not so sore when I do work out.

It's a short work week for me - Tuesday to Thursday - so I'm sure I'll be busy. Don and I are looking to a day out on Friday for my birthday (the big 4-0). I want to do a picnic at the Sculpture Garden and then see an exhibit at the Walker before having dinner at one of our favorite haunts, Campiello's. I don't know what we're going to do on Saturday -- I'd like to go to Stillwater and do some shopping and wine tasting, but we'll see what the weather brings. I don't want to make it a big deal, but it's a pretty important milestone...

Hump Day

2008-08-27T18:17:00.002-05:00

This will be my second out of three short weeks -- two weeks ago, we all had Monday off for a team building event at my boss' house, this past Monday I took a personal day for a morning doctor's appointment and then a few hours at the State Fair and next week is Labor Day & I will have Friday off for my birthday. Boy, is the week of 9/8 going to seem l-o-n-g!

We don't have any big plans for the long weekend -- maybe some light housework/yard work and some errands. I will hopefully get a lot of reading in -- I have discovered a pair of authors, Douglas Preston & Lincoln Child, that are knocking my socks off. I now have purchased all of their books out in paperback and have 5 to read to "get caught up" on the series. Three are stand alone books (Ice Storm, Riptide and Thunderhead), but the rest all have a central FBI Special Agent Pendergast interacting with different characters, some of whom are revisited in the later books. I made the mistake of starting mid-series, but have now started from the beginning because it looks like it's only going to get better.

Some of the other great books I've read this summer -- Racing in the Rain, The Year of Living Biblically: One Man's Humble Quest to Follow the Bible as Literally as Possible, A Thousand Splendid Suns just to name a few.

I still have work to do on the blog -- like updating my links, but I am off to do some reading...

Blog Troubles

2008-08-23T08:00:00.002-05:00

So the designer of my customized blog is MIA and I have no way of contacting her or getting my template back, so it's back to basics.
Anyway, I just haven't had the time to play around with this over the last month. Work has been really busy -- it's budget season and planning for 2009 staffing. By the time I get home, the last thing I want to do is get on the computer.
Don's job is ramping up. He's been switched from the Vikings' beat to the Timberwolves' one but is still helping to cover the Vikings (very long, political story). His travel is going to be a bit of a nightmare, but we'll get through it.
Life in general is going pretty well. I have kind of started back-to-basics with diet and exercise after a few months of "vacation." I'm still hanging in there between 165 - 170, but I've been feeling a little sluggish. I also had a bit of an episode and discovered I have high blood pressure and borderline anemia. I'm on meds for the BP and have upped my iron intake to see if that helps. My thyroid reading was way off as well, so they changed the dosage on my Synthroid. I have a full physical on Monday to see if there is anything else. In the meantime, I've tried to focus on more fresh fruits and veggies, more lean protein and less processed foods. I'm back doing yoga and trying to meditate to help with the relaxation.
Don and I have been getting out and about more. We went to the RenFest last Saturday and then went to our Fantasy Football Draft Party on Sunday. This weekend is my company's summer picnic. We both have doctor's appointments on Monday morning and then it's off to the State Fair for fried fat & sugar on a stick.
The big weekend is September 5 - 7 -- it's my 40th birthday on Friday. I've taken the day off, although I haven't decided what to do. I was thinking about Valley Fair (like Six Flags) but I may be fair & festival-ed out by then. The other option is lunch at a lakeside restaurant and then a lake cruise. I'll also check out some museums to see if there is anything that pops out at me.
Now that I have the basic template fixed, I'll try and get my links up and fixed soon! Hope I still have a few readers out there!

Home, Safe & Sound

2008-07-15T18:28:00.002-05:00

So glad to be home! I really love going out to California and seeing my family, but the drive is a grind and long. We got home on Friday around 8:30 PM local time -- just in time for a huge thunderstorm to hit. We unpacked and vegged out for a bit before going to bed. On Saturday, it was all about laundry, getting groceries, running errands, going through 2 weeks worth of mail, paying bills. On Sunday, we eased into the morning. I took a yoga class -- my first in awhile -- and then we went to see Wall-E.

I've gotten back into the swing of things at work pretty quickly. It's tough getting back on schedule, plus the whole wearing clothes thing is a pain, after several weeks of wearing nothing but shorts, flip flops and tank tops. Now, I'm back in bras, skirts and high heels....

The drive back was uneventful -- exactly what we want on a 2000+ mile drive. The first day was 18 hours and the second day was close to 13 hours. Anyone could get cranky in those conditions, and both Don and I had our moments. For the most part, we enjoy each other's company, and we find a lot to talk about and even enjoy the silence. The dogs did great, even in the hotels. We have a routine with our stops -- Don gets the dogs out for a walk, I go in for a potty break, I come out and load up the dogs and start to gas up while Don has a potty break and we're back on the road within 15 minutes. What made this trip easier than the two before is that the CRV has a mileage range showing how many more miles we have before we run out of gas. In the end, we made fewer stops saving us time.

It's still a tough trip, especially because we want to do each overnight on the other side of the Rockies -- Grand Junction on the way west and Denver on the way east. There is nothing like ending an 18-hour day winding through pitch black mountain roads.

I do have to say we live in a very beautiful country. Even the flat, green, plains of Iowa and Nebraska are wonderful, although little holds a candle to the Rockies and the desert mountains of Utah. Of course, there is the south Pacific coast of California. We took the coast road between Santa Barbara and West Hollywood, down Highway 1. My favorite place will always be Santa Barbara -- the coast, the mountains...

We had a lovely dinner at the Wine Cask, the restaurant that catered our wedding 9 years ago. Since we went on a Tuesday evening, we were the only ones out on the patio for almost the entire meal. I got to eat a lot of good Mexican food (like, 5 times!) and realize how much I miss it. We also stopped at In-N-Out Burger in Las Vegas on the was home for lunch. Yum!

Now it's all about getting into a schedule here. I feel like if I can get back to "normal" this week, I'll have the weekend to recover and then be ready to take on the world next Monday!

Lizards, Coyotes and Hummingbirds, Oh My!te

2008-07-09T19:05:00.004-05:00

Despite living in Minnesota and having a ton of wildlife around us, there is something about being up here that brings out the Mutual Life of Omaha in all of us...

Jager had been stalking a planter out by the pool for two days. Both Don and I had moved it, rattled it, lifted it up to show her there was nothing there. Yesterday morning, she was back at it -- pawing at the planter, licking the side, snuffing under it -- and I went to move it so she would relax. I tilted it up so she could get a good sniff, and lo-and-behold, there was a small lizard. I didn't know this until I turned around and she is there with a lizard tail hanging out of her mouth and Baja trying to get at it!

I was calling at her to drop it, trying to get Baja away from her when Don came out to help. Between the two of us, we got Baja inside and Jager to release the poor lizard and got them both inside the house. We figured the lizard was dead and I went to go get a bag, but much to our surprise, he was alive. We started to nudge it off the stairs, down the deck to the field behind the house. Of course, nothing could be THAT easy since it had to scamper by the pool... Yes, he fell in... I had to go into the pool with a plastic grocery bag and fish him out so Don could continue nudging him into the field.

Once that ordeal was over, I called my dad to tell him the story. While I was on the phone, I saw a coyote crossing across the field. The dogs did too, and raise holy hell. It's a good thing I knew that coyotes were around, otherwise I might have thought it was a stray dog.

Anyway, we had a uneventful rest of the day with a walk on the beach and some pool time with our anniversary dinner last night. I thought the drama was over... Oh, so wrong...

This morning, Don went to get a newspaper and I took the dogs outside for a morning patrol. My dad has a bunch of flowers in his garden up here that attract various birds. There was a hummingbird hovering around one of the planters. Jager was waling by and the bird's movement caught her eye -- she pounced and CAUGHT the hummingbird!! She released it immediately -- I think more out of shock than anything else -- before she did any harm.

Needless to say, it's been an adventure up here... We hit the road tomorrow before 7:00 AM so we can get to Denver by midnight. I am not looking forward to the long haul but I will be happy to get home. At least Jager won't be bringing down a deer or duck....

Santa Barbara!

2008-07-06T18:25:00.002-05:00

We arrived as expected on Sunday and spent a few great days here before heading to LA, where we had another several wonderful days. The best part of the trip so far was that my mom and her new partner, Elaine, surprised us on Wednesday at a local SB Mexican eatery. Don said he hadn't seen me so happy in a long time...

There is the Goleta (aka The Gap) fire burning nearby, but it's 25 miles to the north of us and other than increased air traffic, you'd never know.

While in LA, we did visit our old haunt, the Baja Cantina (whom after our Baja is named) although we did not partake of Jager's namesake. What a great place to people-watch -- especially on the 4th of July. A bunch of land-lubbers heading toward surf and sand only to return sunburned. And the outfits!!! I was very snarky, but funny (at least to me) about what people were wearing. Trust me, white men should not wear baseball caps sideways or over-sized sunglasses. And "diamond grills" don't work any anyone other than rap stars.

Now my main goal is to try and read as many books as possible while getting a bit of vitamin D. Oh, and trying to eat as much good Mexican food as possible, even if that means El Pollo Loco!.

California Here We Come

2008-06-27T20:20:00.002-05:00

Hawaii was great, but glad to be getting to my "real" vacation, even if that does mean 2 days of driving each way.

The car is packed and we should get a good night's rest before heading out tomorrow.

I'm looking forward to 2 weeks of pure relaxation of reading by the pool and time with Don.

I had a great time in Hawaii. It was busy with the wedding and all, but nice to get get away. The helicopter ride was so amazing. I'll post photos as soon as I can.

Anyway, not looking forward to the long drives in the next few days but the payoff will be worth it!!

Aloha! Means Hello & Good-Bye

2008-06-14T00:34:00.003-05:00

I can't believe I'm off to Hawaii in 5 days! It still seems so far off, but it's really right around the corner. I have this weekend and then 3 days of work and then off to the islands. Then, the real mind bend -- home for 3 days and then off to California. I'm not even counting those 3 days at home, although I will go in to work (mostly to show off my tan...) since we're leaving super early on Saturday, June 28. We'll return home on Saturday, July 12 giving me a day to recoup before going back to work on July 14.

My time in Hawaii will be great -- I have a luau the day I get there, a helicopter ride & dinner Friday, the wedding & dinner Saturday and then a brunch on Sunday. There will only be the bride & groom, their parents and 3 friends (2 work friends and me). I finally have my dress, purse and shoes together with a tentative palette of accessories (not real sure of the necklace). I've even been tanning -- something I haven't done in years -- just to make sure I'm not Minnesota-white when I get there.

I still have a few things to try and get done -- a manicure, waxing (not the fun kind) and general packing. The good thing is that I got out of work early on Thursday and did some shopping, which included a new bathing suit, cover-up, some capri pants and some new books. I know -- I still have a ton of unread books but none were really "beach reads" so I needed to get a few to tide me over.

With this trip pending, I haven't even been able to get excited about my (now) annual trip to California. We hemmed and hawed about this, especially with the price of gas, but decided it was too important. Usually, it's a good break for Don before he's off to cover the start of Viking training camp, but he got thrown a curve 2 weeks ago. The powers that be at his paper decided to move him from the Viking beat to the Timberwolves beat. He's never covered the NBA before, and it was all politics, but I'm sure he'll do a good job. The tough part will be the travel. For the NFL, it was 1 pre-season game and 8 regular-season games on the road which meant 2 nights away. The NBA is much different -- there could be as many as 6 nights away at a time, and there are 41 road games to cover. Ugh.

The trip to California will be different, too. We have driven the 4th of July weekend, but with the timing, we're actually going the week before. That means, we'll be in Santa Barbara Sunday - Thursday AM, in Los Angeles Thursday - Sunday afternoon and then back in SB from Sunday PM until Friday AM before we head back to Minnesota. I'm hoping to get appointments with my chiropractor & nutritionist on Thursday, July 3 plus I'll get to see my mom at least once while I'm in LA. I'll see Dad & Dean on Wednesday, July 2 for a bit plus dinner that night.

It's a lot of logistics, but as long as I get a few good days by the pool (for me) and a few long walks on the beach (for the dogs), I should be good until next year.

Work is going very well. I'm loving my new boss and his leadership. I wasn't sure about it when it was announced, but he's really proven himself to me and my team. I still have a lot on my plate, but it seems so much easier than when I was doing my job plus my former boss's job. I'm actually getting home at a decent hour and even got back into the gym on weekdays last week.

I'll try and post a few more times before I leave for Hawaii since won't have my computer there, but I will have computer access when I'm in California.

Anyway, I'm going to try and catch up on what everyone else is doing. I've been a bad blogger from both a posting and commenting stand-point. I want to do better in these areas!!!

Happy Memorial Day!

2008-05-26T16:41:00.002-05:00

Hope everyone is having a nice, relaxing weekend. We've had really wacky weather. It was beautiful Friday & Saturday, humid/overcast/hot yesterday and then sunny/cool this morning and now overcast/cool/windy this afternoon. There were tornado touches about 30 miles northeast of us in Hugo, MN. The one person I know from that town was a mile away from the destruction, but he still needs to re-side the western part of his house (which was just re-sided last spring after his house was hit by lightening) and his camper and truck had hail damage.

The photos of the hail were pretty amazing - some were golf-ball sized and some were 3" across. During the whole time this was happening, we had partly sunny skies and no rain. The temps hit 83 degrees - the first time we got to 80 since last fall. We're back down to the upper 60s today. The rest of the week may only get to the mid-70s. I've decided to hit the tanning salon to make sure I have a good base before I leave for Hawaii.

It's only 3 1/2 weeks away - I'm very excited. I finally found shoes and a purse, although I'm still trying to figure out what to do about accessories. I started making my packing list I want to limit it to a carry-on so I don't have to worry about checking a bag, especially since I'm changing planes in Phoenix. I don't think there is much formally planned other than the wedding & dinner and a helicopter ride. I'd like to spend some time just being warm!! I get in on Thursday afternoon, the ride is on Friday morning and the wedding is Saturday evening. Other than that, it's pretty much beach/pool time for me!

The tough part will be the return. I leave Hawaii Monday night at 10:30 and get into Minneapolis at 2:00 Tuesday afternoon. I'll go to work Wednesday, Thursday and Friday and then we leave for Santa Barbara early Saturday morning. We waffled on going or not for several weeks because of the gas prices, but decided to bite the bullet and head west. I'm really looking forward to the trip, especially because it's become tradition for us, and something we enjoy. It's a haul - two full days of driving each way, plus the added stress of only having 3 days at work between trips - but I know it will be worth it in the long run.

Off to make dinner - BBQ tri-tip, baked beans and salad. Yum!

Lazy Day

2008-05-11T17:52:00.002-05:00

Actually, I should say a lazy weekend! It rained most of yesterday, limiting our outside activities. Don and I did go to a friend's birthday party last night and had a lot of fun. Today was cool and breezy. We took the dogs for a hike and then had a late brunch. The "kids" got me a gift certificate at a local spa as a Mother's Day gift, and I know that will be put to good use.

I had a good week at work. I was actually out of the office every day before 5:00 PM, which is a huge change from the last several weeks. I still have a lot to do, but I don't have wall-to-wall meetings from 8:00 AM to 5:00 PM, meaning the only time I was able to work on projects, respond to voice mails and answer e-mails was before or after. The biggest thing I'm working on is how to define our new department under the recent reorganization. I met with my boss on Friday and we brainstormed some really good ideas about how we want to look going forward.

Nothing else really big on tap for the upcoming weeks. I'm still working on getting my eating fully back on track after surgery last month. I am having better days, but I still don't want to eat which causes low blood sugar and headaches. My weight is still between 165 - 170. With my work schedule normalizing, I'm hoping to get back into a gym routine next week.

Tattoo You

2008-05-05T18:05:00.004-05:00

I had to wait until it was healed and not peeling before I posted. I think it looks pretty good, and pretty ambitious for a first tattoo. I just now have to find some cute shirts to show it off in appropriate situations...

We had back-to-back 3-day weekends. The first one was marred by crappy weather - rainy & cold. The second one was much nicer, even though it rained on Friday. I volunteered at the St. Paul Cinco de Mayo festival on Saturday. It was windy and cool, but in the sun it was pretty nice. On Sunday, it was in the mid-60s and I spent a good portion of the day out on the deck reading and absorbing some vitamin D. We did go see Harold & Kumar which was funny in a very low-brow way.

I'm actually going to try and get back into a gym routine beginning tomorrow. I haven't been able to go on a regular basis because of work, but I have to stop using that as an excuse. My weight has remained stable despite stress and long hours (in fact, maybe because of those factors).

The other good news is that I'm on my second week of being able to sleep through the night. It's making such a huge difference in how I'm feeling. I have a lot more energy and I'm not nearly as crabby. Plus, I'm not anxious about not sleeping through the night. The best part - I didn't do it with drugs. I think it's just less work-related stress and more regular hours.

I think one of the other reasons I'm feeling better is that the weather has finally turned the corner. I can even put up with some rainy days as long as it's warm and things are beginning to turn green. I'm getting outdoors more, breathing some fresh air and getting some rays.

Who needs Prozac with a few sunny days?

Snow? Really?

2008-04-25T17:09:00.003-05:00

I have to move. I mean, seriously - snow showers at the end of April? How can I possibly get into Spring Cleaning mode when there is snow blowing around? This is total crap. My body is so confused - last Sunday, it was mid-70s and I was out on the deck in shorts and a bikini top. Grrrr.

I was able to mostly sleep through the night. I still feel like I'm short so maybe I'll try to nap later today to catch up. What I really should do is get my butt to the gym, but I am just not motivated, especially with the icky weather.

Don is off to cover the exciting NFL draft. It will be a long day for him. The draft starts at 2:00 PM (CST) but the Vikings traded their first pick so won't "be on the clock" until the 2nd round. That means, assuming if all the teams use the entire time for their picks, the Vikings won't make their pick until about 8:00 PM. Don will probably be home around 10:00 PM or so. Day two of the draft should have a little more action and move a little quicker, but it will still be a long day for him. What I can't believe is that people actually sit in front of the TV to watch this event. The idea of listening to hours upon hours of Chris Berman bloviating is not my idea of fun.

Guess I better get started on some laundry and the dishes. Maybe that will get me in the mood to Spring Clean!

Counting Sheep

2008-04-25T03:19:00.002-05:00

Once again, I am up at an ungodly hour. Why is my brain so active at 3:00 AM when I should be sleeping?

One of my goals for May is not to work more than 50 hours a week. How sad is that? I am giving up my time to work in exchange for less time with my family, less time at the gym (ugg - nothing like paying $50 a month for nothing more than the honor of holding a gym card), less time doing things I love - especially now that the weather has decided to play nice.

My typical day starts at 5:30 AM when the alarm goes off. I try to be on the road by 6:15 AM, which means I am at my desk with my computer revved up by 7:00 AM. I usually have back-to-back (to back) meetings from 8:00 AM until 4:00 PM. I don't get out of the office until close to 5:30 PM (on a good day - some days, it's closer to 6:30 PM or later). I get home after 6:00 PM and then it's cook and eat dinner, try to catch up on some TiVO'd shows, spend some time with Don & the dogs. I "retire" between 8:00 - 9:00 to read before bed before "falling asleep" by 10:00 PM. I don't seem to have an issue with starting to sleep, but I have been getting up between 2:00 AM - 3:00 AM and not being able to fall back to sleep until close to 5:00 AM. By then, I am a mess - who can only get by with a few hours of sleep? If that happens, I end up drinking 40+ ounces of coffee and maybe a Diet Coke or energy drink just to try and get me through the day.

In the end, I find myself drifting off during meetings (especially if the room is warm) or just being grumpy with my staff.

I am not eating on a regular pattern, which I know contributes to the overall feeling of yuckiness.

My main goal is to try and actually get a full night's sleep. I hope to get that this weekend with some major spring cleaning, a trip (or two) to the gym and just the relief of knowing that a lot of what's on my plate is going to go away now that I have a boss to take on some of this work. Granted, that won't turn my mind off but, maybe, that will help.

Off to try and get a few more winks before the dreaded alarm goes off in 90 minutes.

Things That Go Bump In The Night

2008-04-22T03:20:00.002-05:00

I have been battling severe insomnia for several weeks. Even sleeping pills just get me to 3:00 AM or so before I am awake and ready for battle. I have a lot on my mind, which keeps me thinking long after I should be counting sheep, but these 3:00 AM sojourns need to stop.

All I do is think about what needs to be done around the house or at work. It ends up making my brain work over time when I should be sleeping. I tend to read or bead just to "numb" the brain into sleep, but it's not working. I hate that I'm wide awake at these ungodly hours, especially because I end up nodding off at my desk or at some meeting.

I can't tell you how often this has caused me to go in to work before 6:00 AM and then end up staying until well after 5:00 PM. I am just a bundle of nervous energy that probably a good turn at the gym would solve, but that would mean actually making time for a workout, which isn't in the cards right now.

So, what do I do at 3:00 AM? I read (I've finished about 10 books in the last few weeks), bead, surf the Internet. I should be writing in my journal to get some of this shit out of my mind, but it's too laborious to even put on paper.

Right now, it's 3:50 AM - I've been up since 2:30 AM and I know I should go to bed and try to sleep until the alarm goes off at 5:30 AM, but I can't. I toss; I turn; I sweat (where did this come from?); I itch; I think.

I know a body gets used to a pattern, but this is just ridiculous. Even sitting here, all I can think about is trying to sleep. Grrrr......

Off to try and count sheep, even if it's only for another hour or so....

I'm B-a-a-a-c-k!

2008-04-20T18:47:00.003-05:00

OK, the hiatus is over. The biggest change is that I finally have a new boss, who starts tomorrow. He's coming over from a different department, but he's very aware of who we are and what we do. Overall, the changes that are being made make a lot of sense and aligns groups in a very logical way. Bottom line, I can stop working 12-hour days & weekends and hopefully start sleeping through the night.

In addition to these changes, I had emergency surgery 3 weeks ago. I had been having trouble eating - I would get severe cramps every time I ate any dense protein. This went on for a few days, but it got really bad on a Sunday. I went into work on Monday and cramped even when I tried yogurt or a protein shake. I went to the nurse who suggested I go to the ER, which I really didn't want to do. After a few hours of enduring major pain, I decided to go in to the ER at the hospital where I had my WLS. After a 3 hour wait, I finally saw the ER doctor who did an ultrasound (irritated and swollen gallbladder but no gallstones) and then a CT scan. The scan showed what they thought was a major blockage at the "Y" section of my intestines.

I was admitted immediately with surgery scheduled for the following day by my WLS surgeon. Usually, when they think there is a blockage, they insert a nasal gastric tube - a tube that goes into one nostril, down your throat and into your stomach - to drain all liquids prior to surgery. Don had already gone home - it was now 1:00 AM on Tuesday morning. I had been battling pain since Sunday night and hadn't slept very well, so I was a bit grumpy and just wanted to rest (the pain meds were making me sleepy). They got the tube in and it felt like I had a bone caught in my throat. I went into a panic attack and tried to pull the tube out. After waiting 15 minutes to see if I would calm down, they finally removed it.

I got some rest, but not a lot. The next morning when I met with my surgeon, he said they would insert the NG tube after I was under. That had to be the worst part of the whole ordeal. If anyone suggests an NG tube, just say no!

They thought they might need to re-do a portion of my surgery - essentially removing the blocked portion and "reassembling" the "Y" connection. When they actually got in there, it wasn't an internal blockage, but scar tissue between the abdominal wall on the outer portion of my intestine. This is somewhat common, but it usually shows shortly after surgery, not 2+ years later. In the end, the surgery was about an hour and I was in recovery for only a short time - Don was just getting ready to grab a bite to eat since I was supposed to be in recovery for 2 hours and I was in there for less than 1.

I came out of anesthesia very well, and Don said I didn't even look like I had surgery. I was up walking around by 6:00 PM Tuesday evening. My original release date was going to be Thursday, however because I was doing so well, I got to go home on Wednesday morning. I did take the rest of the week off, and am now sporting 6 more lap incisions but they look pretty good. I'm able to actually eat a normal meals. Of course, it came at a very inopportune time work-wise but there was no way I could have postponed it and I'm just glad they figured out what was causing the pain.

Other big news - on somewhat of a whim, I decided to get tattooed on Saturday. Don was working, I needed to kill a few hours so I ended up at Saint Sabria's with my friend, Jen. As soon as it heals, I'll have Don take a photo. It's a heart with rainbow-colored wings and it's located between my shoulder blades. Of course, seeing all the possibilities made me think of where to get my next tattoo (ankle, wrist, lower back). It didn't hurt as much as I thought. I like that it's in a place where it's not visible unless I want it to be.

Don is doing well - in the full throes of getting ready for next week's NFL draft. The 2008 season was released last week. His travel schedule isn't too bad - New Orleans, Phoenix, Tampa Bay, Jacksonville, Detroit, Green Bay, Chicago and Nashville. He will be home for Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's.

The weather has FINALLY turned to Spring. We actually were getting snow the few days I was in the hospital. I was able to spend a few hours on the deck this afternoon catching up on my reading. It felt so good to get into the sun. We're supposed to get thunderstorms tomorrow, which I don't mind - just don't rain on my weekends!!

I'm hoping to get next Thursday & Friday off to finally tackle the spring cleaning around here. I have a list a mile long, but it just hasn't been spring-y enough to get into the mood.

Well, that's pretty much it for now. I should be able to dedicate more time catching up, both on my reading and on my posting. Hopefully not too many of my long-time readers have given up on me!

Snow, Snow, Go Away

2008-03-24T19:17:00.002-05:00

I know I haven't updated in awhile - I was waiting for my blog template to be fixed, which is in the works. Anyway, I didn't want anyone to think I had fallen off the planet.

WORK: My boss left mid-February, leaving a huge hole in management. The decision has been made to divide his position into two Director-level jobs, and I have applied for Director, Workforce Management & Forecasting, Contact Center Management Group. Talk about a hoity-toity title. Anyway, I've been doing my manager's job plus taking on some director tasks, making my workday 10+ hours. We'll see if I get a promotion, but even if I don't, my workload has to get easier. Needless to say, the last thing I want to do when I get home is get on the computer for more than a check of e-mail and headlines.

FAMILY: Don is doing well - mostly alternating between a week of work and a week off, although he does have a few consecutive weeks of work as the NFL Draft approaches. The dogs are confused about the weather - almost fully melted yard (just a few icy patches) to 10+ inches between last Thursday night and yesterday. Dad is off on an Orient cruise for the next few weeks, which I hope is exciting for him. He will see things I probably won't - like the Great Wall of China. Mom is hanging in there with her living situation.

WEIGHT: I'm hanging right in between my goal weigh, although it's higher than I'd like. I haven't been able to get to the gym or yoga because of the job situation, but I'm eating pretty well and getting my calories in accordingly. I'd like to drop 15+ pounds, but that's not going to happen until I can get back into the gym on a regular basis. I could also use the yoga/meditation for relaxation. I did do a 1/2 day at a spa on Saturday - body scrub, seaweed wrap, full body lotion, facial, massage, scalp massage, hair wash & blow dry. It felt great - and well worth it.

I am doing some journaling, a lot of pleasure reading, catching up on TiVO'd shows, getting ready for Spring Cleaning. I'm ready for winter to be over and show us some Global Warming - like, into the 50s at least. Bring us some rain!

Despite the template not being up-to-date, I will try and visit my favorites this week. I need to know what's going on with everyone!!

Under Construction

2008-02-29T03:49:00.002-06:00

I have a fix for my blog, but it won't be in place until 3/10, so bear with me....

As an update, life is throwing me under the bus - broken ribs (long story) and work. My boss left for his new job outside the company 2 weeks ago and a lot of his responsibility fell to me. I am working longer hours - up to 12 hours a day plus weekends. I am up every morning around 3 AM with my mind on hyper-speed. What did I miss? How can I solve for this? What amazing solutions do I have? How am I going to lead my team through this change?

I need a day off - and not just a weekend where I am running around doing house upkeep to basic clean-up and errands. My mind is a whirlwind and I pulling my hair out! If it wasn't for my brother, I would have missed my dad's 17th anniversary with Dean. I am so self-absorbed with just getting through my own day, I forget everything else.

Granted, once they hire a new Director to insulate me, it will be better, but there is the option of me moving into that role, which only muddles the picture. Part of me wants the challenge of being the Director, Workforce Planning & Analytics - fewer direct reports; I can delegate a lot of what I am doing to the new me. But, I would be in a more vital role and have a lot more to answer for.

I am at a crossroads in my life. There will be trade-offs, and I don't know if I'm willing to make those right now. Part of me just wants to be the player behind the scene, but a bigger part of me wants to be a player - despite what that would mean to me work-life balance. Do I want a higher stressed job that may take me away from my family? Do I want to "train" a new director when I know I could do his/her job better - even at the cost of my own happiness?

I don't like feeling like I need to work 10+ hours per day and then going home to drink myself silly to cope. I can't eat - with the surgery - so my stress ends up being a reason to drink. I just want to be normal.
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Temporary Fix

2008-02-02T11:39:00.000-06:00

I don't know what is wrong with my wolf template but I found a temporary fix while I figure it out. I'll have to wait until I'm home to get all my links back, so bear with me.

Phoenix has been great - of course, part of if is just seeing and feeling the sun! The temps have been in the mid-60s and a little cool in the morning, but overall really pleasant. I've been able to spend some good time with Don plus do a little shopping. Today's plans are still up in the air - maybe a museum, maybe some more window shopping - typical tourist stuff.

The dogs are doing great at the new kennel. The staff seems very informed of what my dogs have been up to. In fact, when I called today to schedule an exit grooming for the two, when I gave the woman their names, she was all, "Oh, Baja and Jager! We are having such fun with them. They are really great dogs."

Anyway, just wanted to see if I could fix the template. If anyone is good with Blogger and HTML code, let me know if you could take a look at my old template to see what is broken!

Off To Phoenix

2008-01-31T01:58:00.000-06:00

I am having a hard time deciding what to pack since I can't remember what 65 degrees feels like. It was minus 50 (with the wind chill factor) yesterday morning. Even going out for lunch at noon was painful - but my boss was buying, so who am I to complain?

I think I am leaning toward not applying for his position right now. I still have a lot to learn in my current role, and the added stress is not something I need. I know my staff would like me to - mostly because one or two of them want my job, but I really need to make sure I'm ready for that jump.

What I am excited about is seeing Don tomorrow. His usual road trips are just two nights but he's been gone five nights on this trip and it's taking a toll. Just getting myself ready in the morning is one thing but having to make sure the dogs are let out and fed is another. Plus, I actually have to do laundry! That's something Don normally does and I often forget how long it can take.

Off to bed - it's after 2:00 AM - I can't sleep when Don isn't here and I have to travel...

Work Drama!

2008-01-27T05:53:00.000-06:00

This was a bell-weather week for us as far as tax season ramping up, less staffing, call volumes coming in where we didn't expect, etc. We got through it fairly well, and that should mean we can get through April without too many ugly days.

However, my boss dropped a bombshell on Wednesday when he told us he was leaving for another company next month. Many on my staff, as well as several other leaders, have asked if I am going to take his position. There is a lot about the job that is tempting, however there are a lot of challenges that I don't know if I want to take on right now. There would be less people-leading - I'd only have 3 direct reports versus the 9 I have now. There would be a lot more strategy, planning, budgets, etc. Plus, I don't know how I really feel about reporting to the Senior VP. She's great, but a little hard to read, and I don't know if she likes me. I've had some weird interactions with her, and I'd be worried about my success under her. Anyway, a lot to think about...

Of course, what I'm really looking forward to is my upcoming trip to Phoenix! It's actually going to be WARM - and not this "warm" Minnesota-style of 30+ degrees. I mean, how sad is it when we get excited about anything above 32? At this point I don't even mind snowy days as long as the morning temps are above -17. The wind chill is bitter - it's gotten to -40 in the last few days. There's a part of me that wonders if I will ever be warm again. Heck, I even have a shawl at work to help me stay warm. One person on my staff has a blanket! It's not like the office temps are that bad, but once you get a chill it's hard to get rid of.

My broken finger is healing slowly. I don't have to wear the splint but the nail is still looking U-G-L-Y. I have a hard time typing, and I am afraid of losing the nail. Part of me just wants to remove the nail so the nail bed can heal, but the idea of pulling off the nail is almost too painful to think about. I have "fake" nails and have for years and it seems that the acrylic is actually helping the nail stay stable. I don't know what's going to happen as the nail tries to grow over the gash. I just want to have good-looking hands again!

On the weight front, I am happy to say I am maintaining at 165. This is huge for me because I am eating more but still able to stay within my range. I know the trip will be a challenge just because of the eating out, but I think I can handle it by watching my portions and staying protein-focused.

I should be able to post more since I will have more time once I'm on the road. Time to think, time to ponder my career path, time to catch up with all of you, time to spend with Don.

Broken Finger

2008-01-20T15:17:00.000-06:00

I broke my right middle finger last Monday - I slammed it in the car door. Let me tell you, I do NOT recommend this! The nail is broken through to the skin and from side-to-side. In addition, I have a good cut off the nail and on the finger pad. The finger tip is broken, and the nail bed is fractured. The nail hasn't fallen off yet, and I don't know if it will, but it's still awfully tender and sore. It makes typing very hard.

It's very, very cold here this weekend - minus 17 at dawn this morning not counting the wind chill. We're spending a lot of time inside, that's for sure. Even the dogs don't want to go out. I cooked yesterday - French onion soup, artichoke chicken breasts with creamy risotto. Good stuff!

Work is busy, but a little less stressful. I am, however, looking forward to my 5 days in Phoenix at the end of the month. Don is off to cover the Super Bowl and I will be joining him to soak up some WARM sun rays. I'm not relishing the idea of dealing with the house/dogs/work for 3 days by myself, especially since it's been made clear to me 10-hour days are "expected" during our busy season. Whatever - I don't want to come home to an eaten couch or poop on the new carpet.

Off to maybe take a Sunday nap - now, that sounds decadent!

Back to the Grind

2008-01-09T18:26:00.000-06:00

Ugh - work has been killer, and it's affected my posting and reading of blogs! Damn, that job.

Anyway, life is actually pretty good. I am tired - not getting enough sleep for some reason or another. I am back into the work routine - up at 5:45 AM, at work by 7:00, home (maybe) by 6:00, dinner, some TV, maybe a few chapters of reading, to bed by 9:30, repeat. Don is on a bit of a hiatus while the NFL playoffs happen, although he'll be off to Phoenix on 1/26 for 10 days to cover the Super Bowl. I will join him on 1/31 for 5 days, so I still have to make reservations for the dogs at a kennel and figure out what to pack!! I am still hoping for a Cowboy/Colts game, but we will see.

Work is really busy - my first 3 days back I logged over 30 hours, and it doesn't look like it's going to get any easier. I haven't been sleeping well - mostly because I wake up sweating, even though it's 60 degrees in our bedroom. I figure if I can get a few nights' good sleep, it will solve everything. I need at least two huge mugs of coffee to wake me up.

This weekend should be a bit of a break with no real commitments. There are errands and chores, but we can do that together. We'll have time to to do something with the dogs and I will be able to get into the gym - at least for an aqua aerobics class.

Nothing like getting back into the movement to, well, actually, move forward...

Success

2007-12-30T05:48:00.000-06:00

Well, 'tis the season for reflections. I know 2007 was a real up-and-down year, but in the end, I have to say it's been one of the best for me.

First off, when I look at my weight loss progress - and I don't even know if I can call it that any more - I will probably weigh about the same on 1/1/08 that I did on 1/1/07. That, my friends, is an accomplishment in my book. I've stayed within my self-imposed range for an entire year. My weight has stayed between 162 and 168. I realize that isn't model thin or even below "overweight" per the BMI scale (I'd need to get to 159 to be "normal"). Could I get into the mind game and really work to achieve 159? Sure - but at a cost I'm not ready to pay. I am working so hard to just stay where I am that to beat myself up over a few pounds (that, really, plastic surgery would "fix") isn't beneficial to my mental health.

Granted, there is a part of me that believes 165 (as of this morning) is still "fat." I hate that. I'm in a size 10 pants, a size 8 skirt and can buy bras at Victoria's Secret. I can walk into any store any buy clothes - Eddie Bauer, Ann Taylor, New York & Company, J Jill, H&M, etc. I know that plastic surgery would remove another 10-15 pounds, but part of me is still getting comfortable with my current weight that another 15 pound drop would really throw me into an emotional tizzy.

Anyway, besides the weight success, I am thankful for the health of me, Don, and the dogs. I am still trying to get my iron up to normal levels and they just found the cause of my stomach pain (large ulcer - treated with 80 mg. of Prilosec). My blood pressure still tends to run high, but we're just watching it for now. Don is great - he has just some hereditary issues to deal with, but we have a handle on those. The dogs got a clean bill of health at their last vet visit. We're just monitoring their joint issues but that doesn't seem to bother them. They are as puppy-like as ever!

I know there are areas I could do better in - finances (although we seem to have rounded the corner on that one), exercise (I need to make time for this!!), meditation/yoga (see above). But, for the most part, life is good.

And I can't ask for much better than that.

Winter Wonderland

2007-12-26T12:43:00.000-06:00

Sorry about the lack of posting, but work had been kicking my ass and the last thing I want to do when I get home is get on the computer.

I worked through Christmas Eve - until 4:00 - and then came home for an eight day vacation. Woo-hoo!

Don and I had a very nice Christmas - we spent most of the day just relaxing in front of the fire and watching VH1's Best Of series (Best Songs of the 90s, Best Songs of the 80s, Best 100 Toys). It was a very low-key Christmas, which is what I needed.

Today, I braved the weather and traffic to hit Mall of America to spend my gift cards. I got a ton of stuff - black jeans, flannel-lined jeans, a sweater. a few blouses, a few books, some new undies (that fit!!), 4 bras, a skirt and a dress. I still have more $$ to spend at Target and Borders, but that will be easy.

We've gotten a bit of snow - the big, heavy white stuff that sticks. Luckily, the sun is out today and that will melt the driveway. It's very pretty out, and I'm glad I don't have to be out too much. I have been, periodically, running a shovel up and down the driveway and the walk so the snow is thinner and will melt as the sun hits them. Of course, my back, legs and arms are sore but it will be worth it if Don doesn't have to shovel again.

I do need to go into work tomorrow for a four hour training. It's a webinar, so I have to be logged on to my computer plus on a phone. Ugh. It's also 11:00 AM - 3:00 PM, so right in the middle of the day.

Off to put away clothes and maybe vacuum. Or sleep - it's still up in the air.

Playing Tourist, Part II

2007-12-11T18:40:00.000-06:00

We had a wonderful day in Stillwater. It's a nice, easy drive - about 45 minutes from Eden Prairie. We had coffee at The Daily Grind - great lattes and Very Berry Scones. The main part of old town Stillwater is only about 4-5 blocks. We walked up and down the street, visiting the fun stores. We went to a few antique places which were a lot of fun. One can really get lost there, exploring, searching, discovering. I don't collect anything but I certainly could - especially cookbooks.

We had a nice lunch and did more shopping. We went into one store that was going out of business and I found a knee-length brown suede coat in a small. It actually fit, although a little tight with layers on. I couldn't believe I could fit into a small. I ended up not getting it, despite the 40% discount.

Despite the cold, we walked a lot and really had a good time...

For dinner, I made my Crab Cake Salad, which is really good. I use Trader Joe's frozen crab cakes (2 to a package - enough for one serving). I defrost the crab cakes in the fridge and then coat them in a thin coat of panko bread crumbs. I then lightly pan-fry them in olive oil just to give them a bit of a crunch. The salad is dark greens + romaine lettuce with green onions, red or orange bell pepper and sweet corn. I dress the greens with Paul Newman's Lo-Fat Balsamic Vinegar dressing. For the crab cakes, I make a creamy cocktail sauce by mixing cocktail sauce with mayo (maybe a little hot sauce...). I put the dressed greens in a bowl and top it with two cakes and then a dollop of the sauce. Yum!

for those asking about the Chicken Poblano Chowder, it's a Paula Deen recipe from Food TV. I do add a package of frozen corn and then top it with fried tortilla strips and grated cheese. I served it with an "open-faced" quesadilla - a corn tortilla with cheese melted under a broiler for a few minutes. Again, yum! What a great cold-weather dish. Plus, it freezes well.

An editorial note - I don't actually measure the veggies or the chicken. I use what I have in the fridge as far as amounts. I also usually roast 4 big bone-in, skin-on chicken breasts (from Trader Joe's) the day before I make the soup. I take the skin off and de-bone them and then shred the meat, although you could use a rotisserie chicken or baked skinless chicken breasts. I also omit the hot sauce at the end since I use 4 poblano chiles. You can roast them or de-vein them, but I just chop and go. I also add extra garlic, just because I like it. You could add toppings like salsa, green onions, cilantro, sour cream, guacamole, black olives, etc.

It's now time to catch up on Nip/Tuck and veg out for the night.

Playing Tourist

2007-12-09T08:02:00.000-06:00

My dad is here for a long weekend visit, and we are having a great time. He got in on Thursday and I had made a fab Chicken Poblano Corn Chowder topped with melted cheese and crispy tortilla strips. It was a perfect meal for someone coming from California to sub-freezing temps!

On Friday, I took him to a few fun stores - The Find in Eden Prairie (home furnishings), The Galleria in Edina (fun stores that you can't find in California, although they have some typical stores - Restoration Hardware, Pottery Barn, etc.) where we had lunch at CRAVE (two thumbs up),Patina (gifts) and The General Store of Minnetonka (Minnesota gifts, lots of Christmas items). We came home and relaxed for a bit, then went to dinner at Campiello's. All three of us had their top dish - short ribs in a balsamic reduction. YUM.

Yesterday, Don didn't need to fly to SF until late, so he was able to join us for the Pompeii exhibit at the Science Museum. It was an amazing exhibit. They had 6 plaster casts of victims of the volcano, including a boar and a dog. I got a little teary-eyed seeing the dog, who looked like he was writhing in pain since he was chained up and couldn't escape. We also checked out their dinosaurs, which still interest me. We took a drive up Summit Avenue where the big, beautiful houses were decked out for the holidays and then had lunch at Dixie's on Grand.

Since it's been so cold out, we weren't able to take Dad on a hike with the dogs around Staring Lake, but we did drive by so he could see the lake and the trail. Last night, I took him to Babalu, which is a Latin restaurant.

Today, we're going to brave the temps and drive out to Stillwater for some shopping and lunch. We'll play it pretty low-key tonight since we'll need to be up pretty early tomorrow for his flight. I'll be making my crab cake salad and maybe some leftover chowder for dinner.

Other than that, I have been totally caught up in reading Pretty Little Mistakes which is like a "choose your own adventure book." It is so much fun to read. I have traveled to so many countries, been killed in numerous ways, died of old age several times, made good choices that turned out horrible and made bad choices that turned out great. There are over 150 different endings - some are funny, some are depressing, some are touching. I would highly recommend it and can't wait for her next one to come out.

Off to finish getting ready for our Stillwater adventure!!

Two Hour Commute

2007-12-04T18:48:00.000-06:00

My commute from downtown Minneapolis to Eden Prairie is usually 30 minutes, or 45 minutes if traffic is bad. Because of a few inches of white stuff, it took me ONE hour to get from my office to the freeway and another ONE hour to get home. My right knee hurts from the gas pedal, my hands hurt from gripping the steering wheel and my head hurts just because.

We're expecting more snow on Thursday, Saturday and Sunday. Ugh. The worst part is that my dad is arriving on Thursday at 5:45 - right in the middle of "rush" hour and a snowstorm. Not a good perception of Minneapolis!

I had planned on getting out of work a little early today but had to cover a meeting that went until after 4:00. I might have made better time, but by the time I hit the roads, they were pretty well cleared by traffic. It was slow going - only about 20 MPH. but safe enough to get home without incident.

I really do like the snow, especially at this time of year. It makes everything festive and wintery. Of course, it makes it a bitch to drive, but as long as you can stay inside by the fire, it's all good. Plus the dogs get a huge kick out of it - until their little paws get cold. Now, they just want to curl up with each other in front of the fire.

We're tucked in for the evening - we're catching up on some TiVO'd shows. I really don't want to have to repeat the commute tomorrow morning, but I'm hoping the roads will be mostly clear.

I have Thursday off - to clean the house, get the car washed, stock the fridge, get my nails done - all important stuff. I'm making Chicken Poblano Corn Chowder for the night my dad gets in. Yum! Good stuff for cold weather...

First Snow of the Season

2007-12-01T12:40:00.000-06:00

It's snowing. It wasn't expected until this afternoon, but it started at about 8:30 AM. The forecast was between 1" and 2" an hour with a total of 6" to 10" by tomorrow. It seems like a lot more.

I did run grocery errands this morning to get those out of the way. We're pretty well stocked for the next few days including stuff for Chicken Marsala tonight. The idea was to get everything done before the USC/UCLA kickoff at 3:30. I even got the makings for Hot Buttered Rum for tonight. Yum!

I'm still not in the Holiday Spirit, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy others who are. I just think, for this year, I will take a break. I don't need to pull out the fake tree, the lights, the ornaments, etc. to have a good Christmas. I may cave into cards, but for the most part, I don't need to add to the stress.

We did don snow boots, gloves, hats and the like to play with the dogs in the snow earlier. I don't think that's the last time I have to go out and play today. They are full of beans, which means we may need to take them for a walk, weather not withstanding.

Here's to a warm hearth...

Not Ready To Go Back

2007-11-26T09:21:00.000-06:00

I don't know what it is about a 4-day weekend that just kills my motivation for going back to work. I didn't even do anything fun - just kind of putted around the house, did some cleaning, some laundry, a few errands (car wash, Target run). Heck, I didn't even go to the grocery store or Trader Joe's. I figured we had enough food in the house to last us for a few more meals.

I'm late night leader today so at least I don't have to go in until 10:00, but it does mean I have to stay until 7:00 PM. I actually get a lot done between 5 and 7 when everyone is pretty much gone. I have filing to do, a few meetings to prepare for and reviews to read. I don't have a lot going after work this week - just one appointment on Wednesday. I might actually get into the gym on Tuesday and Thursday.

The best part is that I have another 4-day weekend next week when my Dad comes to town. Then it's just a few short weeks until I have the week between Christmas and New Year's off. I don't have any plans for that week - probably just recouping from the holidays. I haven't even decided if I am going to decorate this year. It just seems so pointless. We put up lights, the tree, other assorted decorations for no real reason other than it's habit.

I guess I'm in a bit of a holiday funk. I miss having family around this time of year. With Don's travel schedule, we can't really go any where together and I really don't want to spend the holidays apart from him. I am just not in the holiday spirit this year. Maybe it's because I realized that we have now spent as many years in this house as we did the one in Los Angeles, and it still doesn't feel like home.

Anyway, enough wallowing. I need to finish getting ready for work and head in a little early. I'm not accomplishing anything sitting here waiting for the clock to strike 10...

Oh, So Thankful

2007-11-23T07:36:00.000-06:00

What a perfect day. It started when Don was kind enough, despite a bit of a cold, to get up at 6:15 to let the dogs out and feed them. They came back to bed and we slept until 7:30. We spent the next two hours sipping coffee, watching a bit of TV and planning our day.

At a little before 9, we headed out to Staring Lake for a hike with the dogs. It was cold - 28 degrees - and it was flurrying. I put the dogs coats on to keep them dry and warm. Plus, they just look cute. Anyway, it took us a little over an hour do do the 2.5 miles (we let the dogs set the pace) and we were both chilled to the bone. We came home, took a very hot shower to defrost and had some hot apple cider while we read the paper.

I started cooking at around noon. I had made the cranberry sauce on Monday and the stuffing on Wednesday, so I only had to do the green beans, mashed potatoes and gravy while the turkey (with sage butter and a maple glaze) cooked. The meal came out perfect. The entire menu was Maple Glazed Turkey with Sage Butter, Cornbread and Sausage Stuffing, Garlic Mashed Potatoes, Grandma's Green Beans, and Cranberry Orange Sauce. I didn't make the dessert - pumpkin pie from Trader Joe's. I think we both ate reasonably well and didn't overdo it.

I think by making a few dishes early helped with my stress level as was just keeping on top of the dishes as I cooked rather than waiting to do them until the end. Don was a huge help - he did most of the post-dinner clean-up while I relaxed.

Of course, two of the best things that happened was the Cowboys and the Trojans won. The Cowboys win sets up a 10-1 showdown next Thursday against the hot Green Bay Packers. That should be a huge game. The Trojans win means they could share a portion of the Pac-10 title at worst and actually win outright and make a trip to the Rose Bowl if Oregon loses to either UCLA or Oregon State (a huge possibility since Oregon lost their QB). Of course, USC needs to beat UCLA next weekend as well, but after last year's beat down, I think they will be up for it.

Anyway, I am avoiding all shopping today. I just don't believe in Black Friday. We're not in the market for any large electronic items, which is where the biggest savings are and the fact most savings are $5 or less just doesn't make it worth getting up at 3:00 AM. I have dishes to do and I really do need to go through my closet again. I could join the throngs at the gym working off their third serving of pie, but I didn't gain anything, so I think I may just be a homebody and couch potato...

Is It December?

2007-11-20T15:14:00.001-06:00

The first smack in the head was on October 31 - when most are dressing up in scary costumes and begging for candy - that the mall in Ridgedale, specifically Macy's, already had their Christmas tree and trimmings up - IN OCTOBER. Today, in several stores, they were playing Christmas carols - IN NOVEMBER. On top of that, in front of the grocery store this afternoon, there was the iconic Salvation Army bell ringer - THE DAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING. I've also gotten e-mails that my local mall is opening at 1:00 AM on Friday. Retailers - desperate much?

Even around the neighborhood, lights are not only going up (typical in these cold climes - who wants to hang Christmas lights when it's icy out?) but coming on! Yes, I have my wreath out and my pumpkins are still on the front porch...

I remember when Christmas wasn't even visible until after Turkey Day. I don't even think we had a "Black Friday" when I was growing up. We usually put our Christmas decorations up 2 weeks before Christmas and took them down one week after New Year's. Now I'm hearing about families decorating their (fake) tree over Thanksgiving weekend.

So my new mantra is "Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending." — Carl Bard. It's very fitting for me at this point, as I've come to realize that spending energy trying to change my past is doing nothing to progress my future. I'm getting so stuck in what I was I neglect what I'm becoming. To that end, I did my own Rune reading a few weeks ago. I've been reading Runes for a few years - mostly for my own entertainment. Runes are like a primitive Tarot that the Vikings used as an oracle. Each stone was marked with a symbol that could be used to write, read the past or predict the future. The nice thing about reading Runes is that there is really only two ways to see it - upright and reversed (upside down). With Tarot, there are symbols, colors, pictures to interpret. It's much more complex, although some might say more accurate.

Anyway, I drew a Runic Cross of 6 Runes plus one for Resolution. The six that make up the cross are:

1. Past - from where I am coming; what lies behind
2. Me Now
3. Future - what lies ahead; what's coming into my life
4. Foundation - unconscious elements
5. Challenge - obstacles in the way
6. New Situation - success in meeting the challenge
and then
7. Resolution - essence of the situation

1. Past - The Blank Rune
Rune of the unknowable, the Divine
This is my past
The end is just the beginning
Connection to my destiny; rises like a Phoenix; Fate
Death is symbolic
Relinquish control - I am a Spiritual Warrior
This is potential
Total being - what is to become
There are Deep Fears - failure, abandonment, taken away
There is willingness
Leaping into the void
The past tests the faith
This is the Rune of Karma
Lessons are learned for a life time
I must shift and evolve
There is progression

2. Me Now - Rune of Disruption and Power
There is change, freedom and liberation
I must break free of identification
It's beyond my control
There is a great awakening/coming to my senses
I need to rip away the fabric of my former reality - sacrifice security and beliefs
There is disruption
But there is growth

3. Future - Rune of New Beginnings and Fertility
Intuitive part of my nature
There is harmonizing and adjusting to personal relationships
There is a need to share and to be desired
There is new life and new paths
Strength to achieve completion
Resolution
Emergence from a closed state
Clear away the old
Release from tension
Free myself from a rut, habit, relationship, behavior pattern
Movement may involve danger (change) but also remove me from danger
Need to be centered and grounded
Open to the will of Heaven
Ultimate calm certainty

4. Foundation - Rune of Opening and Fire
Renewed clarity
Dispelling darkness that's been shrouding life
Clear intent
Concentration
More light = seeing in what needs to go
Operating in light

5. Challenge - Rune of Withdrawal and Ice (see the relation to #4)
Winter of spiritual life
Feelings of powerlessness, need to submit, surrender, sacrifice
Rebirth
Freeze on useful activity
Plans are on hold
Outmoded habits to cope
Feeling of being out of touch with life
What am I holding onto and what can I let go of?
Shed, release, cleanse
Sacrifice of the personal
Submit and be still
What was full now must become empty to move forward
To surrender is to display courage & strength
Time of restoration
Do not work my will
Watch for signs of Spring

6. New Situation - Rune of The Warrior
I am a spiritual warrior
The battle is within the Self
I need to stay out of my own way
Cut away the old, the dead, the extraneous
Patience
Look within; delve down to life itself
Find my deepest needs
Allow it a voice
Self-conquest is powerful - calls for awareness, compassion, total trust
Courage
Dedication

7. Resolution - Rune of Breakthrough and Transformation
Major shift
Breakthrough of self change
Complete transformation
Transform life forever
Radical trust
Leap into the void (see #1)
Warrior nature reveals itself
Period of achievement & prosperity
Darkness is behind; daylight has come
Hard work is ahead but undertake it with joy

I know this might not mean a lot to most, but it means a lot to me. This is so where I am right now - and so where I want to go - to the light and the understanding and the shedding of the old. This speaks to so many layers - the old body, the old mind-set, the old self hate. I really need to focus on who I am now, not what I was or who I thought I was. That really goes back to the new mantra of not trying to change my beginning but my end, which is what ultimately matters.

Tag, You're It!

2007-11-11T06:50:00.000-06:00

OK, unofficially tagged by Denise

Here are the Rules:

1. Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog.

2. Share 5 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.

1. I cannot go anywhere without chapstick - I but it in bulk! I have some in my purse, my desk at work (at least 3 tubes), 2 tubes in the stand near my recliner, 1 in my nightstand. Right now, I probably have at least 2 dozen chapsticks in my possession.

2. My current favorite commercial is for Jeep Liberty. The coyote just slays me - Rock Me Gently

3. I am a food porn addict. I read cookbooks and magazines. I watch Food Network religiously. I won't make half of the recipes I print or clip, but I have two binders full of them. I subscribe to Cuisine at Home and Everyday Food. I own 58 cookbooks and refuse to throw out my collection of magazines like Food & Wine and Gourmet. Why? I don't know. In fact, I'm watching Easy Entertaining with Michael Chiarello right now.

4. I read runes. I haven't done it in awhile but I did a personal reading last night, and it was so right on. The reading is a separate post, but it answered a lot of questions for me.

5. I have weird celebrity crushes. Granted, some are typical like George Clooney and Liam Neeson, but I am really attracted to Pete Carroll (coach of the USC football team) and Mike Rowe (host of Dirty Jobs).

Off to start the morning... Please feel free to play along!

Still Flying High

2007-11-07T17:33:00.000-06:00

What a great response from my last post! I am still feeling a high from having the light bulb go off. Even people at work have noticed this new glow about me. I am allowing myself to feel the highs and lows of day-to-day life. If I'm pissed, stressed, giddy, excited, confused I am letting myself vet those emotions out. It's so much better than holding them in.

Work is going crazy. We're going through some staff changes, which makes my job much more complicated as we need to not only plan for next week, but we're starting to plan for early next year. Luckily, my staff is not impacted directly, but we still have to lad through some of the upcoming changes.

Many asked about my new laptop - I chose the most basic MacBook. I had a pretty fancy iBook previously, but it had a lot more bells and whistles than I ever used. I do love my Mac! I haven't played with all the new functions, but the crack staff at the Apple Store was able to move my iTunes and iPhotos over, which was my biggest concern.

Don is off to Green Bay this weekend for the game. He's not leaving until late Saturday night, so it's nice we'll have pretty much the whole day. We have an appointment at the vet for the dogs' yearly shots, and I'm sure we'll take them for a hike, weather permitting. I do need a pedicure, so I'll do that Sunday, plus I'm working out my Thanksgiving menu and what I can buy in advance. I'm sure much to Don's (waist) chagrin, I am planning on making a big batch of my family-famous Chex Mix so I can ship some back to California.

Tomorrow will be an odd day for me - we are testing our Business Continuation Plan in case our office was ever not accessible. I've never been a part of it before, so this will be all new for me. After that, we have our Employee Club's annual Turkey Bingo night. I went for the first time last year and had a blast, even if I didn't win a thing. It's at a local supper club, so we all have dinner first and then play about 2 hours of Bingo. I think I only played 2 cards last year, but I think I might be up to 4 this year. Some people can play 10 cards! I don't think I'm that adept yet, but plan on having a fun time.

It's dinnertime - leftovers - but I made a killer dinner last night. I took 4 (huge - from CostCo) skinless/boneless chicken breasts and stuffed them with cooked couscous with lemon juice, lemon zest, toasted pine nuts/almonds and green onions. They were cooked on the stove top and, once browned on both sides, steamed with a little chicken stock. I served the chicken breasts with a mix of steamed baby carrots and peas. Yum!

Can I tell you I'm so not ready for the cold weather?

My Apologies!

2007-10-31T18:26:00.000-05:00

I know I haven't been posting, but I have good reason! My laptop died over the weekend and I ended up having to get a new one. It would have cost $100 less to fix the old one compared to getting a new one, so I opted to upgrade. One of the great things about going through Apple is that they will migrate all your old stuff to the new computer for free, which was great since I hadn't had a chance to back-up my iTunes or iPhotos. They even moved over my favorite bookmarks on the internet!

It's a smaller laptop, and the keyboard is a little different, but I think I can get used to it. I really only use my personal computer for web-surfing, e-mail, blogging and storing my iTunes, so I didn't need anything fancy, although it was tempting to go wild with the new bells and whistles they have, but the price wasn't worth it in the end. I'd rather save my money for a new iPod (hint, hint to those who are reading!).

One of the things I've been thinking about is getting back to my spirituality. I've let that go and relied on old crutches to get me through some tough times, which hasn't had the same results. On this day, October 31, is the Wiccan/Celtic New Year (Samhaim), also known as Halloween. There is a lot out on the Internet to describe the roots of this day, but here is what I have gotten out of it for this year:

We think of the year as a wheel or circle. In every year there is a cycle from light to dark and back to light: of growth, reproduction, dying off, and rebirth again. Any day of the year can be the first day of the rest of your life. And when you come around to the same point a year later, you can see how the intervening cycle of days has changed you, and how you have changed from what you were.

The agricultural implications of Samhain relate to dense matter, or the earthy, physical life/death processes of existence on this plane. But Samhain also has its relationship to our emotional/spiritual well-being, which is usually of greater emphasis to most modern Wiccans. This is a time for ridding ourselves of weaknesses, just as in thinning the herds when the older and weaker animals were slaughtered. Wiccans often bring a parchment to the sacred fire of Samhain on which is written those qualities they consider weaknesses. It is tied with a ribbon of the color of which has a specific meaning for the Witch. During the Samhain ritual the parchment is cast into the flames and the weaknesses burned away, the prayers rising to the Gods with the smoke.

At Samhain we Wiccans assess our spiritual growth. We examine the paths we have tread thus far and look ahead to determine which direction will further our development and unfoldment. This is very personal to each individual Witch, as no two paths, even among Witches, is exactly the same. The ritual generally allows a time of quiet for meditation and contemplation during which we look for direction to the Goddess/God Source and to our own intuitive higher selves.

Since the Veil between the worlds is thin at Samhain, it is also a time when communication between the living and their deceased ancestors becomes possible. This is a private and very emotional part of the Samhain ritual. We can, at this time, say those very important things we neglected to say when our loved ones were still with us. This is a stark lesson to us not to take life for granted, but to truly value those we love. We may re-avow our love to them, and in so doing perhaps ease their passing across the Veil. This is also a time to release any sense of loss, knowing that life is a circle, and that nothing and no one is ever truly lost.

And the Wheel turns, and turns again...

I am looking to this time to see what dead weight I can cut out of my life - internally and externally. What can I do to make myself stronger and better for the upcoming year? I compare it to a rose bush - to make it healthy and have it produce big, strong blooms, you need to prune the bush to the core at times, to make sure you have all the weak and diseased branches gone for the spring (rebirth) flowering. Now is a time for deep introspection and to find what makes one strong and healthy.

This will be a year of seeing things as they ARE not what they WERE. I need a lot of flexibility right now to do my job well, and to adapt to life as a "normal" person. I haven't allowed myself the comfort of just being. I have always tried to be something else - what I thought others wanted me to be.

Now I just AM.

This is me - excited, stressed; happy, sad; up, down; introspective, extroverted; hermit, socialite. I can be all of these, and none of these - all at the same time. I am not going to be your picture of perfection because I am too busy being me - whatever that may be at any time. I can no longer feel like I need to live my life for others - I need to live my life for me.

This is my mantra for moving forward, for a wheel is not a block. It moves continuously, not stopping unencumbered.

I am who I am.

The Joys of Dog & Home Ownership

2007-10-21T06:09:00.000-05:00

We have been dealing with a mouse problem here at Casa Seeholzer. We've noticed some mouse poop in a few drawers and behind couches and under the TV, but it really escalated over the last few days. I insisted Don try humane traps, but for some reason, these mice don't go for peanut butter - they like wine corks, rice, insulation and baking mixes. We cleaned out the pantry and drawers on Tuesday, and by Wednesday night there was a fresh round of poo.

In addition, when I went to check the lazy Susan pantry we have, there was a mouse! Ugh! We put the dogs outside while we cleaned out the pantry and drawers. Understand it was 8:30 PM here - dark and wet because of all the rain we've been having. So Don and I were cleaning out the kitchen and discussing a plan of attack on the mice. About 30 minutes later, we had everything cleaned out and went to get the dogs back in. Baja came right away, but Jager just wouldn't come in. She was in a corner of the yard where the deck light doesn't reach so I went out the garage side door to call her in.

Don is getting pissed - we have mice, Baja came in rather muddy and Jager won't come in at all. I'm trying to be the peacemaker and get Jager in through the garage. I am in high heels and know I need to be careful on the wet grass so I step out of the garage carefully, but not carefully enough as I stepped in to a huge hole that Jager had dug! It was about a foot deep and around our in-ground sprinkler housing. So we have mice in the house, a huge hole dug by Jager and, to top it off, she had pulled out some of the sprinkler wires!

We think we have a handle on the mouse situation - Don got some poison which killed at least 4 mice (I helped dispose of the bodies) and two more pellets have been eaten. We have the sprinkler guys coming out to assess the damages and we're hoping it isn't too bad.

Anyway, life otherwise is going along fine. We did an IKEA run for some replacement bookshelves. That place is amazing. I pretty much knew what I wanted but still had to go through the IKEA maze. I can't imagine if Target was laid out in the same way but it works.

Don is in Dallas this weekend for the game and I have a list of To Dos including laundry, cleaning and the like so I plan on hunkering down and watching some football and maybe taking a bath at some point.

A Good Week

2007-10-14T17:15:00.000-05:00

I know I haven't been posting as much, or visiting other blogs as regularly, but things seem to be evening out for me. I seem to be dealing with a lot, but I'm finding ways to get through it.

For some reason cooking and baking helps me work through tough times. I made a fresh loaf of bread (Scottish Oat) this afternoon. To my surprise, when I went to slice it, the loaf was G-O-N-E. My only explanation was, while I napped when the bread was cooling, Baja got up on the counter and ate it! I cannot think of anything else. Jager isn't tall enough to do it and there are no "left-overs" to implicate her.

I had great day on Saturday - a bunch of WLS patients gathered in Stillwater for coffee and lunch. We had a great time, and it was nice to meet people from the (Obesity Help) boards.

Don is in Chicago, so I am flying solo today. Off to take a bath and get ready for another crazy week!

Two Year Surgiversary!

2007-10-05T16:24:00.000-05:00

So, two years ago today, I was out of WLS and working on my second walk. I had started the day out as a 300+ person and now am a "normal" sized woman. In the two years since I started this journey, I am down (according to my scale) 174 pounds. By my clinic's measurements, I've lost 19 inches off my waist and 21.5 inches off my hips. I've gone from a tight size 26/28 to a size 8/10. My BMI is still not at goal - but now I'm at a 25.5 compared to a 52.8. A "normal" BMI is 25 or lower, but at this point I will take what I have. Granted, my labs didn't come back perfect - my iron is low (single digits) and my thyroid is elevated - guess that's the explanation for my low energy. That can be dealt with via meds, so I'm not that worried.

Bottom line - I weigh less than what I've lost; my blood pressure is normal; I'm eating normal as far as what I can eat. Granted, the portions are much smaller, but not in a bad way. I get to taste anything I want, including sweets.

I am still petrified about keeping my weight in a certain range. I weigh myself more than I should. I am so scared about re-gaining the weight I have lost. I need to get right with my weight range I've set for myself, but I still beat myself up when I vary from my self-imposed range.

I am still lucky that I've had this surgery. I am healthier than I've ever been before. I may gripe about my "excess skin" but I have nothing to complain about. I am not ready to have another body transformation a la plastic surgery. I am still getting used to the body I'm in!

There is a lot to work on, but this surgery has been a success for me. I can't ask for much more. I have some things to work on, but that is just part of the journey.

Stormy Sunday

2007-09-30T10:09:00.001-05:00

The weather is playing a number on us again here in Minneapolis. Last weekend, it was hot and humid, then we hit a high of 56, then it was back into the upper 70s and for the last 2 days it's been cool and rainy. It's supposed to rain off and on (more on than off) today, which is fine by me.

OK, to play a little catch up - last weekend I went to the Renaissance Festival and had a ton of fun. I had my palms read, and she was pretty right on. She told me that my job is secure, but I will be giving up some responsibilities and taking on new ones. She saw some domestic travel for Don and me, and an international cruise within 2 years. I saw her last year, and she said the same thing this year - I should be using my creativity to earn a living, and I should spend more time writing and practicing my photography. Besides that, my friend talked me into buying a full-on Ren Fest outfit - tiered skirt, flouncy blouse and a corset.

The last week I did a "back to basic" WLS diet where I really focused on the protein and the rules of the pouch (no drinking 30 minutes prior or after a meal, 15 minutes to eat, etc.). I lost 5.5 pounds and feel better - I am able to better identify head hunger vs. real hunger and I know when to stop eating. Once you're 2 years post-op, it's easy to slide back into bad habits - snacking, grazing, stress eating, etc.

We're doing some upgrades at Casa Seeholzer this week - we're finally upgrading to a HD dish on Tuesday. And on Saturday, we're getting new carpet for the downstairs (den, living room, dining room). That will be a bit of a pain because, although they will move the furniture, we have to store all the knick-knacks and empty the china hutch. I started on that this morning, but there is still a lot to do. Last weekend we cleared off the one big bookshelf in the den since that's about to fall over. We'll have to get a replacement (IKEA, anyone?), but it was about time. Our carpet is a very light cream, which is not a good choice with 2 dogs and Minnesota winters (and springs and falls!). We're getting a honey-colored carpet in the den and a subtle multi-colored carpet in the living/dining room. I think it will look great, and it will be so much easier to keep looking clean. We opted not to do the upstairs at this time since the only room we really use is the bedroom, and it didn't make sense to re-carpet 4 bedrooms, the hall and the stairway.

On top of all that, we're trading in our current Honda CRV for a new CRV this week. Our lease is up, and we just love our Hondas. Don picked a pretty dark blue, and I can't wait to see it! I am enjoying my Civic, but I know once the snow comes, I will be driving the CRV to work.

Work is really busy, and there doesn't look like there will be any break until next year, so I have to keep my nose to the grindstone. I have 2 huge projects on my plate, both of which will change how we do business. It's exciting, but daunting at the same time. My boss has hinted at some pretty major changes for me, but I'm feeling up to the challenge. I'm glad to be a part of something so big and so new. It won't be easy, and I know there will be some pretty stressful moments but the overall payoff is going to be huge.

I really am going to try and get better about updating and checking in on everyone. It's been hard with 10-hour workdays, but I need to make time for this.

A Week From Hell

2007-09-21T16:40:00.000-05:00

Ugh - work is totally getting me worked up. In a lot of ways, it's exciting to see us move in such a progressive direction, but there is so much work to do in moving in a new direction and a lot of it is on my department's plate. I have so many projects going on, something is going to get lost and I feel so responsible for the success of each and every initiative. If every one comes off as a win, me and my team will look like heroes, but if any fail it will come right back in my lap.

Having said that, I really feel empowered to make huge decisions with the support of my boss. I have to bring my A-game each and every day, which can get exhausting. I get pulled in so many directions over the course of a day that there are times when I feel like I don't get anything accomplished. On top of that, the stress I feel is spread out to my fellow leaders and our office can look like a scene from "The Walking Dead." The next 3 months is going to be very important for me, and we will either sink or float. Whatever happens, how we do business is going to change radically and having to manage a staff through this will have its own challenges.

So, what does that mean for me? I need to get and stay healthy - emotionally and physically. I need to be brutally honest with my boss when things get to be too much, and let him know when he makes decisions that affects me and my staff in a negative way. I can't absorb it all and put everything on my shoulders. I need his approval for me to say no when it's getting too much without worrying about how it's going to affect the perception of me or my career. I need to be able to make time for appropriate outlets - working out, yoga, meditation. I need to fuel my body with healthy nutrition. When I get stressed, I want the quick "feel good" solution, which is often crap (chocolate, chips, wine etc.). With everything coming up, I can't afford to be sick and I need to give my body good alternatives to operate at my own peak performance.

In addition, I need to make sure I am having open conversations with my support circle - Don, my family and my friends. At times, I know it becomes a "vomit of the mind" where I just dump all the negative energy I hold on to, and I don't want to burden them with this, but that's what friends are for! Seriously, I hold on to so many negative thoughts because I don't want to unburden myself but my spouting off about my stress shouldn't really be more than me talking and them agreeing with me...

I am so conditioned to make my life look so rosy and look at life as the glass half full. In reality, my life has its ups and downs and I just need to figure out how to live it like everyone else does.

OK, on to a more exciting topic - Minnesota weather! Last night, I was going to an after work function. While my friend, Lynn, and I sat at a corner bar, a huge storm moved in with tornado warnings, lightening, hail, driving rain. The storm sirens went off, and the bar workers were trying to figure out whether or not to evacuate everyone to the bar's basement! Don, at home, didn't know how bad it was because our satellite dish was knocked out. It was quite the event, but typical of this time of year. It's currently really, really windy but nice temp-wise. I just hope a really bad storm doesn't hit over the weekend when Don is in Kansas City.

This weekend is going to be busy but low-key for me. I have some personal, feel-good appointments tomorrow - waxing, haircut/color, and a mani/pedi. I might even see about working in a massage! Don is off to Kansas City to cover the game by himself since his co-worker's wife gave birth 2 weeks early. I have plans to go to the local Ren Fest on Sunday, which will be good to get out and about.

Off to get ready for Don's birthday dinner - 2 days early because he'll be on the road!!

Four Seasons - One Month

2007-09-16T01:13:00.000-05:00

Typical Minnesota fall - we've ranged from rainy (8 months of rain in one month in Southern MN) to warm (90 degrees earlier in the month) to frost (39 degrees in the metro this weekend) to flurries (snow in northern MN). I never know what to wear - shorts and sandals or sweaters and boots! Needless to say, I have quite the range of clothes in my closet right now!

Don's first road trip is this weekend. He is in Detroit, but didn't have to leave until late Saturday afternoon, so we got to spend some time together before he had to go off to the airport. I spent most of this weekend baking for my work potluck (I made my mom's friend's pizza bread, which came out great!) and watching the football games. Because the USC was on so late Saturday - 7:00 PM kick-off here - and I wanted to see the entire game, I didn't get to bed until very late for me, around 2:00 AM. The dogs could care less this morning and got me up at 7:00 AM Sunday morning.

I am struggling a bit with things that are going on with friends and people from the Obesity Help boards. I have one friend who is really depressed and talking of suicide, one friend who is wishing she didn't have the surgery (she has had a lot of medical issues and has lost too much weight) and one person who committed suicide (and killed her special needs daughter) because she couldn't get WLS. I didn't know her but the WLS community is pretty small, and when you hear about something like this it hits home. It seems like her insurance didn't cover the procedure and she didn't have the money to self-pay. She had a lot of medical problems plus she was taking care of her 20-year old daughter who needed 24/7 care and it finally became too much for her. She opted for suicide by getting into her car with the engine running and the garage door shut. Beside killing her daughter, she also killed her cats because the carbon monoxide got into the house. Her friend found the bodies, but it was too late. For whatever reason, these things are weighing heavily on my mind.

Anyway, I plan on doing some cleaning out of the closets & drawers. I thought I could start storing my summer stuff, but it's supposed to get back into the 80s this week, so I guess I better hold off for now. Plus, I need to finish some earrings I started beading yesterday. I know - exciting stuff happening here at Casa Seeholzer!

Autumn is Here

2007-09-14T14:31:00.000-05:00

As much as I love fall, I just know what that means here in the mid-west. I woke up this morning at 6:30 AM (not my choice, but the dogs needed to go out), and it was 45 degrees and, with the wind chill, it was 39. I know this means I can break out the cute sweaters, coats and boots, but it also means I need to stash the cute sandals, short skirts and strappy dresses.

I'm even starting to plan my fall menus - lots of homemade soups and chilies. I'm off work today, and I've started my fall cleaning - I've changed my sheets from cotton to flannel and put on my down duvet. I have some general cleaning tomorrow but it's all about getting ready for gasp the cold. The deck chairs and table will have to come in. The gas grill will have to be covered up. I am so not ready for the pending cold!

Work continues to be my main focus. I did a list of everything I am working on and the weekly time I am dedicating to it all, and I realized I am giving over 70 hours to my job. Granted, that might mean I am on a conference call and working on something else, so that counts as "multi-tasking" but it means that I am producing way more than a 40-hour week. That takes time away from seeing Don, working out, cleaning the house, etc.

Don is off to Detroit tomorrow, but we have enough time to take the kids for a hike and do some more cleaning. I don't have any plans past that, although I might have some guests over for NFL Sunday Football.

I think it may be nap time - I don't get the chance too often, but it sounds like a good idea!

Stormy Thursday Night

2007-09-06T20:36:00.001-05:00

Although I worked until 7:00 PM tonight, I thought I would try and actually blog about what the heck is going on in my life. We're in the middle of a big thunder storm and it's knocked out our dish, so we can't watch the Saints-Colts game very well.

First off, work has been really busy. Not in a bad way, per say, but there is going to be a lot of changes which will affect how we do our day-to-day jobs. It will be a major change for my group and I will have to deal with how to manage through this change. In some aspects, it's very exciting as we'll be able to really leverage our analytical skills, but it's going to take some people out of their comfort zone, and I will only be able to hear, "But that's not how we used to do it," a certain number of times.

We had a very nice weekend - the weather was great and we did a lot of outdoor activities. On Saturday, I met up with a few friends for coffee and then 3 of us went to go get a pedicure. This is probably my last fancy one (flowers painted on my big toes) for the season. On Sunday, we took the dogs for a much needed hike and they got to burn off some puppy energy splashing in the lake and barking at squirrels. I then my 2 friends for lunch and a field trip to the zoo. We had so much fun! We went to the dolphin show, took the tram ride which gave us an overview of the majority of the zoo and then walked the other side where there were tropical animals and then native animals. On Monday, Don and I went to the Minnesota State Fair. We went early, so the weather was nice and the crowds weren't too bad. By the time we left, however, it was wall-to-wall people and H-O-T. Since this was our first time, we just kind of wandered around. My favorite part was the birthing barn where we saw piglets, calves, foals, lambs, ducklings and baby rabbits. The main activity seems to be eating, but we did pretty well with our only real treat being the chocolate chip cookies with a big glass of milk. Most people get the bucket o'cookies (about 4 dozen) but I opted for the small serving (a baker's dozen).

Weight-wise, thing are pretty status quo. I tend to say right between 162 - 167, relying mostly on diet since I haven't really had a chance to get back into a proper gym schedule. I'm hoping to change that tomorrow and this weekend. I'm still in a bit of awe how easy this has been for me, and that people actually consider me tiny. I don't always feel it, and I still often see the "fat girl" in the mirror. I am still considering plastic surgery which could remove another 10-15 pounds, but it's still pricey and we just don't have the funds right now. It's hard, because I really want it, but I also have to weigh other factors, like the fact we need to do some things around the house and taxes due in October.

Nothing much on tap for this weekend. I know for sure I want to go shopping with the gift cards I got for my birthday (Macy's, Eddie Bauer, Bloomingdale's and Land's End). On Sunday, I'm looking to have a few work friends over to watch football and actually do some work-related projects.

Off to bed - I have to be up at 5:30 AM tomorrow and need my beauty sleep!

Update

2007-09-05T21:59:00.000-05:00

OK, I'm still here...

I am dealing with a lot of work crap, including not being able to read blogs from work - which shouldn't be such a big deal, but by the time I get home, I don't always have the energy to post or read blogs.

It's my birthday today, and it was all good. I heard from my parents, my brother, my BFF and I received cards from my staff and co-workers. Don got me flowers (sunflowers!!) and took me to dinner. Perfect.

I am dealing with a lot of shit from work - not all bad, but it's taking a lot of time and energy.

Anyway, I promise a better post, and more response to your posts soon. Heck, I need to post about my trip to the MN Zoo and the "Great Minnesota Get Together." It was a true Minnesota weekend!

What A Week

2007-08-26T16:01:00.000-05:00

I know my blogging has been lacking lately. I hate it, because this is such a good release for me, but life has just kicked my ass. Even when I have time to blog, the last thing I want to do is get on a computer.

Work is busier than ever, but not in a bad way. It's a fine line we walk in work force management - you want to answer the phones/complete the work in a timely manner but also not be overstaffed where the work is done too quickly. In a phone queue, it's a matter of seconds - our goal is to answer 80% of our calls within 20 seconds, but when it gets to answering 90% of the calls, we're considered overstaffed. Go figure. So, we have to figure out what to do with the excess staff - projects, trainings, etc. and still be able to respond if the service level drops below 80%. It's a lot of hands-on management, and a lot of constant watching what's going on that can make for a tiring day.

Now that Don is done with training camp, I'm hoping to get back to a regular workout schedule. I've really missed it, but I have other responsibilities other than myself sometimes. I'm also trying to get back to a more healthy way of cooking. Sometimes it's easier to go with what's easy which isn't always the most healthy.

I have tomorrow off, so I hope to get caught up on laundry, ironing and general house cleaning. We should take the dogs for a long hike, although they got some good playtime yesterday with our neighbor's lab puppy (twice).

Off to try and get dinner ready, although I'm not all that motivated right now. Here's to 3-day weekends!

I'm Still Here

2007-08-17T11:51:00.001-05:00

I just needed to take a short hiatus and rest my brain for a few weeks. Work is taking a lot of energy right now, and I was getting through some family/emotional stuff. Things are better now, and I'm feeling a bit more like myself.

We have a busy social agenda - I went to a Lynx game (WBNA) last night; we are going to a Twins game tonight; I'm going to the Albertville Outlet Mall tomorrow and then hanging with my friend Jen on Sunday. I do need a manicure in a bad way. Don and I just cleaned out the garage - ugh, what a dirty job. It did go a lot faster with the two of us moving and sweeping.

I am going through a bit of a general feeling of detox/cleansing - physically, emotionally, etc. I've been in a cleaning frenzy both at home and at work. I've been researching doing a detox/cleanse diet for a few days. I think part of the general feeling of malaise is the time of year - the end of summer, knowing winter is around the corner, the shortened days, the fact Don is back covering the Vikings. The good news is that he's done covering camp, so no more daily commutes to Mankato (about 90 minutes from us). The weather is better, too - it's cooler and not nearly as humid. WE finally got some rain, so things are looking more lush and less shriveled up and dried out.

In fact, we had two big storms - the first and worst hit around 3:00 AM Saturday (after Don had gotten home after midnight from covering the Vike's preseason game). We got 2 inches of rain in an hour, 70 MPH straight line winds, hail, constant thunder and lightening. We were pretty lucky - only one chair blew off our deck onto our lawn, our BBQ blew over and our large table flipped (but the glass top didn't break). Our one "loss" was our purple kiddie pool that was under the deck. We never found it - and we have a fenced yard! A few neighbors got hit worse - siding blown off, trees blown down, roof damage. The second storm wasn't as bad but we still got hit with rain and wind.

Anyway, that's the less-than-exciting update. I'm off to check in with everyone...

Time to Check In

2007-08-05T14:07:00.000-05:00

Work continues to be very busy. There seems to be a lot of changes about to happen, some will be pretty dramatic. My boss keeps telling me our department shouldn't be affected, but I'm not so sure about that.

Tuesday was a bit of a jolt for us here in the Twin Cities. The 35W bridge collapse was very dramatic and chaotic. For work, we implemented our calling trees to make sure all were accounted for. Luckily, I believe everyone has been accounted for. There were some pretty near-misses - just about to cross the bridge or just over it. The amazing thing is that it could have been so much worse. I know there are still many missing and the death toll is expected to rise, and my thoughts go out to all the families still waiting for some answers.

I have tomorrow off as an errand/appointment/chore day. The weekend has been wet, grey and cool which isn't totally a bad thing. I have some personal calls to make and figure I have a ton of vacation still to use before the end of the year. Don will be off covering training camp, but it should be an early day for him. I'm hoping to get a lot done, plus have a little time left over for some reading.

Nothing else much is going on right now - kind of the dogs days of summer. We have laundry in and the dishwasher needs unloading. We've already taken the dogs for a hike and I went through a stack of catalogs that have been sitting here since we got back from California. It's been a pretty lazy weekend. We did go see "Harry Potter" yesterday before Don had to drive to River Falls, WI to cover the Vikings practice. I know, exciting stuff.

Better get to those dishes...

Finally, The Weekend!

2007-07-28T08:28:00.000-05:00

What a day at work yesterday! Our two phone menus (client and advisor) crashed right at the start of business so calls were getting dropped. We decided to route all of the client calls to our operator queue (we've been testing the option of letting clients press "0" to speak to a live person to route their calls), but out of the 10 agents we staff, 1 was on PTO and 4 called in sick!!! We then had to rush and add the operator queue skill to a bunch of domestic agents. Meanwhile, 9 virtual agents were having tech issues with their phones so they couldn't log in for 2 hours. ALSO, there were political demonstrations in India, which delayed our agents getting into the Mumbai site. Of course, as we are trying to fix the client menu, the advisor menu went down, which was dumping all the calls into one of our queues who then had to transfer the call. We were getting complaints about that process (plus calls were backing up - up to 50 waiting for 5+ minutes) so we switched to where the advisor could at least choose the product they wanted (Mutual Funds, Insurance, Annuities, Brokerage) and we then had to add those skills to all the associates in those queues. The worst was the manager who runs the Command Center was on PTO so I had to oversee all of that. I usually work 7 - 3:30 (actually it's usually 6:30 - 4 or later) but I had planned on leaving at 3:00 because Don was covering training camp and the dogs were inside from 7 to 4 - much longer than they are used to. I had to drag my laptop home and manage the process from here... Needless to say, I had a few beers last night...

Don was up and out of the house early (7:15 AM) to cover practice at training camp. He opts to drive 90 minutes each way rather than overnight in Mankato, which is great for me but I know is hard on him. The weather today is supposed to be OK - 88 with low humidity, but the temps and humidity levels are rising over the next few days with no relief in sight, so think cool thoughts for him. It's nice out right now (8:45 AM) but I know it will only get hotter, and he will be down there until about 7:00 PM (home at 8:30 or so). It's a long day for him, but it's only for a few weeks.

I am planning on hanging out with my friend Jen for the day. I don't know what we have on tap other than a pedicure (desperately needed!!) and lunch. I've talked about getting a tattoo, but I am not 100% sure on that. I just need to get out of the house for a bit. Tomorrow is going to be all about chores - laundry, house cleaning, errands, etc.

No big surprise but insurance is not going to cover part of my plastic surgery. I was, pleasantly surprised, at the price difference - $17,000 (with insurance) vs. $18,000 (without). I thought it would have been more of a difference, and it will still be a grind to get the money together, but a $1000 is not that big of a hurdle in the scheme of things. The interesting thing is that my insurance (Medica) will only cover medically needed plastic surgery within 2 years of weight loss surgery. Now that I know what I need to save means there isn't a deadline of October 5 to have insurance kick in $1000.

Off to shower up and get somewhat presentable for my day out. I've already cleaned out the fridge and made my grocery list for the week. The dishwasher is running and I have dinner planned for tonight (tilapia tacos - yum!).

Back Home

2007-07-24T17:01:00.000-05:00

We got home at 8:00 PM (CST) on Friday after two long driving days. We spent the weekend doing laundry, restocking the fridge (can't live on ginger ale and mayo), and getting back into the groove.

I spent Saturday going to the grocery store, getting the car washed and gassed up, doing laundry/ironing and reading the latest Harry Potter book (received at noon, finished by 11:45 PM). Sunday was all about going to the gym, a few more errands and just trying to get back to a normal schedule. We took the dogs for a hike, which totally wiped them out, and getting geared up for the upcoming week.

It's moving day for my "office" (i.e. CUBE) tonight. Starting tomorrow I will be on the same floor as the departments we support. I am at an "off-site" strategic planning meeting tomorrow, which should be interesting. I won't be able to unpack until Thursday, but I think I packed pretty well so getting organized should be a breeze.

I do have "thoughts from the road" but those will have to wait until later. Off to have dinner...

On The Road Again

2007-07-19T17:28:00.002-05:00

One of the nice things about having a BlackBerry is that I can surf while Don drives. We are right outside of Beaver, UT - about 290 miles from Grand Junction, CO and 550 miles from Denver, which will be our stopping spot for the night.

The roads have been clear so far and the weather is great as well, albeit rather hot.

It was a bittersweet departure for us, but we know we'll be back next year. Off to enjoy the scenery of Fish Lake, UT.

And, Yet, Another Day

2007-07-17T19:18:00.000-05:00

I could retire here. The endless days of beach walks, reading, swims in the pool, trying new restaurants. It's all good.

The best was seeing some long-time friends of my parents who were "missing" for a bit. This was a woman who arranged my brother's baby shower, who helped my parents adjust to having a new baby in the house (ME!!), whom my mom was her maid of honor... For whatever reason they fell out of touch and recently reconnected via Google. We had a wonderful lunch catching up - and I'd love to see them again. Their oldest son, Willie, was someone I got into a lot of trouble with (although I deny it) and I'd love to see him again...

Meanwhile, Don and I are getting ready for our anniversary dinner at the Wine Cask in Santa Barbara. They catered our wedding, so we always go back there for our anniversary dinner. It will be nice, but somewhat bittersweet as we get ready to head back to Minnesota. We have our reservation at a Holiday Inn Express outside of Denver for Thursday which will make our final leg easier....

Off to get ready for dinner...

Another Day in Paradise

2007-07-13T19:33:00.000-05:00

The sun has finally come out of hiding. We've had back-to-back days of full sun, which has been nice. I have now read 3 books - "The Red Tent," "The Thirteenth Tale," and "Eat.Pray.Love." I would highly recommend all three. They are all coming-of-age stories in their own way, and I will be taking wisdom from each going forward.

My mom is here now. We've been hanging out, reading and catching up. We have found a new game for the dogs - fetch the stick on the beach. Don and I took Baja & Jager to the beach on Tuesday. It was so overcast and early and the beach was deserted. We decided to let them off-leash, which isn't something we normally do since I know not everyone loves dogs and ours can be a little hard to control when they see new people. Anyway, since there was no one on the beach, we let them off leash and Baja found a driftwood stick, about the length of your forearm. We must have tossed the stick 50 times (OK, not that many, but close) into the ocean, and they both ran after it again, and again, and again.

Both the dogs ran into the ocean, including letting waves crash over their heads. There was also a pod of dolphins about 20 yards (if that) off the shoreline that they noticed. On Thursday when we took them, we didn't see and dolphins, but Jager chased several flocks of birds, and we saw dead squid, dead lobster, and dead stingray. Luckily, they haven't tried to roll around in them!

Off to have dinner, and maybe play a game of UNO!

Safe Arrival

2007-07-10T08:52:00.000-05:00

We arrived in Santa Barbara, safe & sound, no worse for wear. We drove from Eden Prairie, MN to Grand Junction, CO (1175 miles, 17.5 hours) the first day. The next leg - from Grand Junction to Las Vegas (511 miles, 7.5 hours) was pretty easy. Don drove that leg, and we had very little traffic and just a little road construction. The last leg, Las Vegas to Santa Barbara (364 miles, 5.75 hours) was the worst. Of course, that's the leg I drove. The traffic was horrible - bumper-to-bumper going anywhere from 10 MPH to 85 MPH. People were weaving in and out, cutting in front of cars with inches to spare, using the slow traffic/truck only lane as a passing lane. It was a very stressful drive. Between LV and Barstow, we'd be traveling at a pretty good pace and then all of a sudden, we'd have to slam on the brakes and creep along at 20 MPH for a few miles and then floor it when the traffic cleared. I'm know part of the reason it was so crazy is it was the Sunday after the 4th of July, so there was a lot of holiday traffic.

The dogs did really well. They stay in the back of the CRV and remain pretty quiet. They did get excited when we got off in Santa Barbara. I opened up the sunroof and the back windows and they were sniffing up a storm. I'd like to think they knew where they were. They had a bit of a rough patch the second day since it was so hot and the blacktop and dried out grass hurt their paws so neither of them wanted to get out and "mark."

We arrived in Santa Barbara around 5:30 PM local time. We unpacked, ordered BBQ to go (yum!) and vegged out. Both Don and I were a little testy because of the stressful last leg. A few glasses of wine and a good night's sleep seemed to remedy that. I went to Trader Joe's in the morning to stock up and then spent the rest of the day out by the pool reading and relaxing. It was overcast until around 2:30 PM, which was fine with us.

I read an entire book yesterday - "The Red Tent." If you haven't read this, you really should. It's the fictionalized story of Dinah, daughter of Joseph, from the Bible. It was a great read, and I was drawn in immediately to the story. I brought a total of 11 books (9 for me, 2 for Don).

We don't really have formal plans for today. It's overcast this morning but it's supposed to burn off earlier than it did yesterday. We will take the dogs for a beach walk early this morning and then hang by the pool again. I know, a rough job, but somebody has to do it!

I'm So Excited!

2007-07-06T08:40:00.000-05:00

OK, first things first, the plastic surgery consultation went very well. Both Don and I really liked the doctor and thought he did a great job explaining everything. The good news is that insurance will cover some, it's done as an outpatient procedure, I'd be off of work 2-4 weeks. The bad news is insurance doesn't cover everything, so it will be about $17,000 out of pocket. I would look at getting a full lower body lift (LBL), a breast lift (BL) with breast augmentation (BA). The one surgery won't address all my issues - I would need a second operation if I decided to get my inner thighs and arms done. I plan on checking out 2 other surgeons, but at least I know a ball-park and can start saving money.

I am leaving the office at noon today to finish up getting ready to leave tomorrow. I need to get a mani/pedi, get the car washed, pack, walk the dogs, etc. I'd love to be on the road by 6 AM, but I think it will probably be closer to 7 AM. The hotel we wanted to stay in (Grand Junction Holiday Inn Express) is sold out so we will have to travel another hour and stay at the HIE in Parachute, CO. That means it will be an 1100 mile drive tomorrow (about 16 - 17 hours with stops) but it will be a much shorter trip on Sunday - about 900 miles and 11 hours. Long days, but so worth it. We have our routine down pretty well to keep the stops short - I run to the bathroom while Don gives the dogs a potty break. When I get back, we get the dogs back in the car and I pull up to the pump for gas while Don runs to the bathroom. We can keep our stops to about 10 minutes. We do a little longer one when we feed the dogs dinner, but we even try to eat in the car so we can keep moving forward.

I am so hepped up right now - I probably didn't need the second large coffee. I can barely concentrate. It's a good thing I only have 3 more hours, because I am as jumpy as a cat on a hot tin roof! Let's Roll!!

Nerves of Jell-O

2007-07-02T11:57:00.000-05:00

I have my consultation with a plastic surgeon at 3:00 today, and for some reason I am very nervous. I'm not sure if it's because I don't want to get my hopes up thinking insurance will pay for some of it and then come to find out the procedures are going to be $20K out of pocket if it's because I'm afraid of being judged by the surgeon or what. Regardless, I am sitting here with butterflies in my stomach and sawdust in my mouth, my palms are sweaty and my heart is pounding. At least Don thinks he'll be able to go with me, so that will be good.

We had a very nice weekend. On Saturday, we took the dogs for a walk, got the car looked at (and got 4 new tires - UGH!!) and spent time on the deck. My friends Carol and Mandy came over with their pups, Pablo and Gracie. The dogs did pretty well. We had to break them up twice but it was more posturing than anything else. I grilled chicken and Carol made pomegranate mojitos.

On Sunday, we took the tired dogs for a grooming appointment. Once we got them home we all crashed on the deck. I haven't seen the dogs so tired! They were pooped out all day. Don said they bounced back this morning pretty well, but I'm sure it will be another day or two before they are feeling frisky again.

I will try and post after my appointment. Keep your fingers crossed!!

Ready For The Weekend

2007-06-29T08:19:00.000-05:00

I am oh-so-ready for the weekend. The weather looks like it's going to be nice, we have a lot to get done before we leave for California next weekend and it will be a weird work week because of the holiday on Wednesday.

So far, we have an appointment for the CRV's 30,000 mile check-up tomorrow and a grooming appointment for the dogs on Sunday. We want to take the dogs for a hike or a walk each day, plus I'm hoping my co-worker Carol and her girlfriend come over for dinner on Saturday with their two dogs - Pablo, a 2 year old Rottie and Gracie, a 3 month old chow mix. I want to be able to get my dogs used to having other dogs over since it looks like it's going to be Sunday Football days at my house this year.

I have appointments all over the place next week. The big one is on Monday - my first plastic surgeon consultation to see about a lower body lift, breast lift and breast augmentation. I need to see if insurance will cover any of it, and how much we're looking at paying. I have my weekly psych meeting and I need to get a mani/pedi and certain nether regions waxed. All fun stuff...

It's close to that time of the month, and I am daring fate by wearing white pants today. I have noticed the scale creeping up a pound or two, but I know that's just temporary. I just want it out of the way before we head out west.

Today is the first day in a long, long time that I don't have one meeting on my calendar for work. The only two things scheduled - a social lunch with a friend and a happy hour for someone who is leaving the company. I do have some grunt work and we are supposed to be moving to a different area while I'm gone so I could go find boxes if I was really motivated. Mostly I just want to get through the day and start the weekend!!

Aliens Have Not Abducted Me

2007-06-23T08:02:00.000-05:00

I know my posting has been spotty at best. Work continues to be super busy and I am whipped by the time I get home. I've been working a lot of 10 hour days. I did have yesterday off, and spent a good part of the day at Mall of America shopping for shorts that fit. I am actually in a size 10 in pants, which just blows me away since I haven't lost any more weight.

We did get a new addition to our family on Thursday - our new Honda Civic! It's so cute - it's Tango Red and has a sunroof. I am going to love driving it. It has some cool features and looks very sporty.

It looks like rain today, so we'll take the dogs for a hike early. Jager has made friends with the 12-week old puppy two doors up. I've never seen her play so much. The good thing is that it tires both of them out. Baja is still a little big to be playing with the pup, but she's a lab, so once she grows a bit we'll introduce Baja to her.

We don't have much else on tap for today. We might go see "Ocean's Thirteen" if the weather doesn't clear. Tomorrow is Pride in Minneapolis, and I have tentative plans to go watch the parade with a few friends. It's supposed to be really hot, but hopefully not too humid.

Off to change to get ready for a hike since PJ bottoms probably aren't the best choice. I promise to get around to everyone this weekend and check in on you guys!

Technology Will Be The Death Of Me Yet

2007-06-15T13:53:00.001-05:00

"As far as I'm concerned, progress peaked with frozen pizza." Bruce Willis as John McClane in Die Hard 2

So, after a shaky week of "are we up, are we down" at work, we are officially down as of 5:30 this morning. It's similar to what we experienced last week, but now other technology is down, impacting us even more. I'm not sure what this is going to mean for my weekend - if I'll be on call, if I have to come in or what. It is funny how we have made so many advances, but as soon as one part breaks, we forget how we used to have to do the job before the new technology.

One of the best examples of this was in my early days in travel. When our ticket printer would go down, we would have to hand-write a ticket. As we got into remote printing (printing at another office and having them send the ticket) and then e-tickets, the "art" of handwriting a ticket was forgotten. Agents would go into panic mode if you even mentioned having to hand-write a ticket.

There are going to be a few crazy weeks as we complete our spin off into our new company. Even though we've been operating separately for awhile, our technology is so intertwined that it's taken awhile to untangle it. We're almost at the end, though, and once it's complete we should be on far more stable ground and these outages/issues should become more and more rare. Until then, though, it looks like some long days, possible weekends and overall craziness. UPDATE - the broken technology is up, although it was up last week, too - for all of 12 minutes before it crashed again.

Once again, no big plans for the weekend. I am meeting some friends for an early Saturday morning walk and then off to get my hair cut and colored. And my first ever bikini wax!! I'm hoping the weather will be nice enough for some deck time. The house needs a major cleaning - laundry, sweep, vacuum, dust. I keep hoping some magic fairy will come and clean for me, but so far no such luck.

Mostly I need to focus on just getting organized. As I continue to try and control every aspect of my life, I am losing focus in certain areas, including exercise, eating, socializing, etc. I almost forgot when Father's Day was. I did forget my SIL's birthday. I have to cancel meetings at work because I'm not prepared or overwhelmed with other things. I misplaced 4 new boxes of contacts and I thought for sure I threw them away. Luckily Don found them before I ordered new ones. Seriously, I think I would forget my head if it wasn't attached.

I do have next Friday off, so I plan on just getting a few things together for our upcoming trip to Santa Barbara - 3 weeks from this weekend!!! I am so looking forward to those two weeks. That is kind of what's keeping me sane right now....

I was hoping to get out early today and hit the gym, but I will be lucky if I get out of here before 5:00 PM. Ugh. Ahhh, the responsibilities of leadership.

Work Woes

2007-06-09T17:40:00.000-05:00

Work has been kicking my butt since Thursday. Even though the current tech issue doesn't directly affect those we schedule, we need to offer our support to get back on track. I thought I needed to go in to work today to organize efforts, but the problem still isn't resolved so I have conference calls at 6:00 and 7:00 to see what the plan is for tomorrow. What's worse, is if it isn't fixed, what that means for me on Monday and into next week. Plus, a program that wasn't supposed to roll out until July is coming this weekend (that we didn't learn about until late Friday), will affect us Monday. I see some long days ahead...

Since I thought I was going into work today, I didn't plan much, but was able to work in a hike with the dogs, a pedicure and a few hours out on the deck soaking in the rays.

The biggest news is that my BFF, Patty, has asked me to be her maid of honor at her wedding next year. I am so excited! I know I have to do it long-distance, but this is so great. She is hoping for April 2008 in Palm Desert...

Off to dinner now....

Storm Central

2007-06-06T18:46:00.000-05:00

We are expecting major storms overnight and through tomorrow. It's been a weird spring as far as weather is concerned. We haven't had some of the severe thunderstorms we usually get, although that may change as of tonight. There are tornado watches to the west of us heading our way. It will make for an interesting morning commute. As a Work Force Management Specialist, we could be in for a hectic opening if all of our staff can't get in... It's grey and windy, but you can tell a storm is a-brewing...

In the meantime, I just had a manicure and had them cut my nails really short because I just got a new work BlackBerry! It's a blessing and a curse - I can check e-mail while I'm in back-to-back-to-back meetings but it also means I am accessible 24/7. I've learned to type pretty quickly on the small keyboard, even at stop lights, which is a bad thing.

Everything else is well. It's just a few short weeks before Don and I pack up the dogs and head west for 2 weeks in Santa Barbara. I am really looking forward to doing nothing. Of course I will have the blessed/cursed BlackBerry but hopefully that will just help with my workload when I get back.

My weight still hovers between 161 and 166. I panic when it gets into the upper reaches, but know I shouldn't. I am eating better and keeping up with my fluids. I have found that I am addicted to Trader Joe's Triple Ginger Snaps - not a good thing. I am still amazed that my idea of "stuffing" myself has changed so much. Just last weekend I was at a BBQ and I ate an entire hamburger!. I have to remind myself that prior to surgery I would have eaten 2 burgers or at least a burger and a hotdog plus all the sides - potato salad, beans, chips, coleslaw, etc. Even with something like pizza - a big trigger food for me - I can have 1 slice and be done. Before, it would have been 3-4-5 slices, easily.

No big plans for the weekend other than a pedicure and an eyebrow wax, both long overdue. I have a few Father Day surprises for Don. Sunday is also the last episode of "The Sopranos" so I will be making a (modified) Italian feast, including my stuffed shells. I figured I will offset the pasta with the meat, cheese and veggies. I hope to have enough good weather to let us take the dogs for a much needed hike.

We're watching "History of the World, Part I" which cracks me up every time I see it.

Here's to Mel Brooks... And why didn't you do a "History of the World, Part II?"

A Book Meme

2007-05-31T18:05:00.001-05:00

Of course I invite anyone interested to do this and post on their blog...

1. Hardback or trade paperback or mass market paperback? Whatever I can get my hands on, although if I start a series as one kind, I’ll want all the following books to be the same. For instance, I have all the Harry Potter books in hardback.

2. Amazon or brick and mortar? I love browsing at a brick & mortar, but I do have a 8-page Wish List at Amazon.com. I tend to buy more on line, but will spend more time in a real book store.

3. Amazon or the Co-Op Bookstore? I’d have to say Amazon.com since I prefer new books, but I would have no problem browsing at a co-op.

4. Barnes & Noble or Borders? Doesn’t matter – B&N is closer, though.

5. Bookmark or dog ear? Bookmark!

6. Harry Potter or Lemony Snicket? Harry Potter

7. Stop reading when tired or at chapter breaks? Chapter breaks if possible.

8. “It was a dark and stormy night” or “Once upon a time”? “It was a dark and stormy night…”

9. Buy or Borrow? Buy, because I tend to forget to return borrowed books.

10. New or used? New!

11. Buying choice: book reviews, recommendation, or browse? All three. One of the functions I like from Amazon.com is the “Other readers who bought this book also bought…” It’s turned me on to some new authors I might not otherwise have tried. I also enjoy the Employee Suggestions at B&N.

12. Tidy ending or cliffhanger? I don’t mind a good, satisfying cliffhanger.

13. Morning, afternoon or nighttime reading? Whenever I have a chance, although my favorite is out on the deck on a summer day.

14. Stand alone or series? I read both, although if I read a series I have to read them in order from start to finish.

15. Favorite series? The Ballantyne series or The Courtney series from Wilbur Smith. Both are sweeping multi-generational sagas about Africa. They are very engaging, informative and fun.

16. Favorite book of which nobody else has heard? This is a hard one, but I will go with the trilogy, “His Dark Materials” by Philip Pullman.

17. Favorite books read last year? “The Kite Runner” by Khaled Hosseini or “The Shadow of the Wind” by Carlos Ruiz Zafon

18. Favorite books of all time? Way too hard, as this will change by day, how I’m feeling, who is asking the question, etc. Right now I am recommending Amy Tan’s “Saving Fish From Drowning.”

19. Favorite genre of books? I love historical fiction (Wilbur Smith, Edward Rutherfurd). I also enjoy off-beat fiction/humor by Christopher Moore and Tom Robbins. My escapist reads are series by Sue Grafton and Janet Evanovich.

20. Favorite classic author? Tennessee Williams

21. Favorite modern author? Wilbur Smith

22. Favorite children’s author? Laura Ingalls Wilder – I have my mom’s hardbacks of the entire “Little House on the Prairie” series and have read these book many, many times. My second favorite would be Anna Sewell who wrote “Black Beauty.” I could recite the first four or five chapters verbatim.

23. Favorite local author? Minnesota has a ton to choose from – F. Scott Fitzgerald, Laura Ingalls Wilder, Garrison Keillor, Charles Schultz, Sinclair Lewis, Tami Hoag, etc. My current favorite, although not born here, currently resides in Minneapolis, is Neil Gaiman.

24. Keep or recycle books you’ve read? Must. Keep. All. Books. Period. This is why I have a 7+ foot bookshelf in our den, three 4 foot bookshelves in the office (one shelf is double stacked), 2 small bookshelves in the kitchen (1 is overflowing with cookbooks), 1 bookshelf in the master bedroom (packed) and books scattered in both guest rooms. In fact, the one guest room only has books to be read (currently at 50+).

25. Do you read one book at a time or multiple books? I have a book for upstairs that I read before bed (currently “Marley & Me”) and a downstairs book for reading out on the deck (currently “The Once and Future King”).

26. Favorite reading spot? On the deck, although curled up on the couch on a rainy day with a blanket and the fireplace on isn’t half bad, either.

27. Do you stop reading a boring/bad book or continue to the bitter end? For the most part I will finish the book, although I have finally allowed myself permission to give up and try again if it’s just not grabbing me. The only book I have tried to read multiple times and just can’t get through is “Little Women.”

28. Any big reading plans for the summer? I have about 50 unread books, and I’m really looking forward to several of them, including “Eat, Pray, Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert and “A Thousand Splendid Suns” by Khaled Hosseini. And, of course, “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.”

29. Are there any books or authors that everyone raves about but you just don’t get the hype? I’d have to say the Alexander McCall Smith/No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency series. I read the first two, but just couldn’t do any more.

30. Fiction or non-fiction? I’ll read either, depending on my mood.

I Could Get Used To This

2007-05-28T17:12:00.000-05:00

This is the first of back-to-back 3-day weekends for me. Of course, this is Memorial Day weekend and next weekend I have Friday - Sunday off since I need to take Don to the airport for his trip to Cleveland.

We didn't have great weather this weekend - only Sunday was perfect. Saturday and today had rain and the threat of storms with strong winds, and high humidity today. We did hikes with the dogs on Saturday and today, so they have been crashed pretty much all weekend. Today, Jager found a dead fish to roll around in, so they are now known as Big Fish Head (Baja) and Little Fish Head (Jager). We spent yesterday out on the deck and grilling. We went to see Pirates of the Caribbean: The End of the World today. Good film - not as good as the first, better than the second.

I did grill last night - rib-eye steaks with a dry rub, BBQ chicken and chicken sausages. There is nothing like meat on a grill, although I do miss charcoal. One can't dismiss the ease, prep and clean-up of a gas grill, though. Plus, I don't feel the need to grill as much as I can so the charcoal doesn't go to waste.

I am thinking about hosting a BBQ over the weekend while Don is gone. I went to one hosted by my co-leader on Friday and we had so much fun. I'm hesitant to host because I'm afraid no on will come or the dogs will be too annoying. Despite this, I'm thinking chicken fajitas, guacamole, salsa, margs... Maybe some games - Uno, Scrabble. We'll see. It's outside of my comfort zone, but I think a good move for me.

Other than that, nothing else much exciting is happening in Casa de Seeholzer... Hope all is well with all my readers, and that they had a great weekend!

Reality Check

2007-05-23T08:23:00.000-05:00

It has been hard to get back into the groove after 5 days of vacation. This does not bode well for my return to work after 2 weeks off in July.

To top it all off, my return on Monday included covering my boss' staff meeting where the hot topic was budgets. Better than any sleeping pill, trust me. Plus, they kept the room partially dark, which only added to the sleepy feeling.

The good news is I just need to make it three more days, then I'll have three days off, three days at work and three days off again.

No big plans for Memorial Day weekend. We're still not sure what the weather is going to be like - no big surprise for Minnesota. I'd like to grill and get outside, but I think we're expecting thunderstorms. As long as we can take the dogs for a hike or two, we should be good. We did take them for a different hike around a marsh area on Friday. Baja still found a dead fish to chomp on, but at least he didn't roll in it this time!

We finally have our check from the mortgage company, so as soon as it clears we can pay off three credit cards in full and get to putting money away in savings. That will be a nice feeling. I've already put one credit card away, although I won't cancel it. The other two are emergency cards, which I'll carry and just not use. We're trying to pay for everything with the debit card or cash. It's been hard, but we've been pretty good so far.

The only other big thing on the horizion is trading our 2-door Honda Civic for a 4-door Civic in mid-June. I'm looking at a red one with a sunroof. Don will get a new CRV in August. We figure that our Honda dealership is close and we've had good luck with that brand, so we'll stick with it. Neither of us are big car people - I like something comfortable, but I don't need a lot of bells & whistles (other than a sunroof!). We like having one sedan-type and a 4WD SUV for bad weather days and hauling stuff (like the dogs!).

That's about it for now. I see I'm coming up on 100,000 visitors - that will be a major milestone!!

Relaxation

2007-05-17T07:22:00.000-05:00

I am on the second day of five days off. We took the dogs for an early hike. It was so nice - it was on the cool side, around 50 degrees (after two days of unexpected 90+), and there was no one on the trail. I ran some errands, including picking up a swim suit that actually fits and a sweater (for $7) and a skirt (for $13) at Target.

I have a follow up appointment with my PCP today regarding my depression meds, which should only take about 15 minutes. I'm having lunch with a friend and then Don and I are meeting with our financial planner. In between all that, I'm hoping to spend some time out on the deck reading and playing with the dogs.

Tomorrow, I have a therapy appointment and then lunch with another friend. Don and I are planning on seeing "Shrek 3" tomorrow night as well. I'm hoping we can take the dogs for an early run to the dog park, especially if the weather is supposed to hold.

I don't know what we're going to do over the weekend. We've talked about going to the zoo, maybe finding a batting cage/mini golf course. There's also another walking path around Purgatory Lake that we might explore with the dogs to give them something else to do.

There is a funny story out of yesterday's hike... Around the trail, there are a few places where we can go down to the lake shore. This allows the dogs a chance to splash around in the shallows and to get a drink. We went down and the dogs got a drink and sniffed around, as usual. Baja came upon a dead fish, and instead of just smelling it, he started rubbing his muzzle on it, much to Don's surprise! We had a good laugh and continued on. At the boat launch, we repeated the drill - dogs splash around, get a drink, sniff - and, again, Baja finds a dead fish in the tall grass and starts rolling in it! We called him Fish Head for the rest of the day. Don thinks it's better than the time Jager rolled in horse manure, but I think dead fish smell is far worse.

Today is the 11th anniversary of when Don and I first met. I always give him a hard time about giving me his wrong phone number (it was a new number for him, and he transposed numbers) and not calling the (right) number I gave him. His comeback is always that it worked out for the best in the end. The funny thing is, I kept the napkin with the wrong number. Even when I moved in with him, I had it hanging on our bulletin board, just as a little inside joke. He was always trying to get me to throw it away. At our rehearsal dinner, I actually put the napkin in a box and gave it to him as my wedding gift. He tried to burn it, and it wouldn't catch fire! It's now framed and sitting on our mantle as a reminder of second chances.

Other than that, things are good. My weight continues to sit right between 162.4 and 165 without too much food manipulation. I've actually been eating pretty well - Chicken Parmigiana with asparagus last night, grilled tri-tip with cucumber/red onion/tomato salad (with feta cheese and Kalamata olives), citrus/garlic grilled chicken. I think that sitting down at the table every night with Don has helped me get into a routine with dinner.

Food is becoming less and less of an issue for me. I still don't feel any hunger, and I have to force myself to eat, but I don't seem as "afraid" of food as I have been. I know I can eat more but it's still a hell of a lot less than I used to. Since doughy carbs are hard for me to eat (soft breads, rice, pasta, potatoes) I stay away from them and focus on protein, veggies and fruit. For instance, a meal in years past might have been a large rib-eye steak and a baked potato with butter and sour cream. I might have made a pass at veggies, but they were never a major part of the meal. Now, it's 4 ounces of meat, veggies (asparagus, broccoli, green beans, etc.) and a salad (with things like red onions, beets, peppers, grape tomatoes, cheese, nuts).

Anyway, I'm off to get ready for the doctor.

Tagged!

2007-05-12T16:34:00.000-05:00

I've been tagged by Bee-Bop. I haven't done a meme in a long time, so here it goes - First, the rules: each player starts with seven random facts about themselves. Since this is going around, I won't tag anyone specific, but feel free to do this and let me know...

Random Fact #1 - I constantly crack my knuckles. I've done this forever, and my mom used to tell me that my joints would get big, which is an old wives tale. I also crack my hips by putting one leg up on a counter/table and stretching to the floor. It feels soooo good.

Random Fact #2 - I am a huge Dallas Cowboys fan. Yes, I know I'm not from Dallas, nor do I live in Dallas now. Heck, I've only been to Dallas twice in my life. But, I was stuck watching a football game - Dallas versus Houston, I think - when at my grandparents' house and I thought Danny White, the QB, was cute. I was 7.

Random Fact #3 - My favorite number is 14. I think I chose that number when I idolized Mike Scoscia, the catcher for the Los Angeles Dodgers (now the manager of the Anaheim Angels). Again, I thought he was cute. I was probably 13 at the time... A lot of my passwords have 14 in them.

Random Fact #4 - I don't understand light/lite beer. If I'm going to drink beer, I want it to taste like beer.

Random Fact #5 - I love thunderstorms. I will even go to a window to watch, or, once when I was living in NYC, actually went to the roof to watch one. A lightening strike on a park bench across the street sent me running for cover, but I am fascinated by them.

Random Fact #6 - I shower in the same way every day - get wet (back to the shower head, of course), wash my hair, wash/exfoliate my face, rinse hair, condition hair, soap up, rinse, rinse hair. My after shower routine is also the same - do a quick dry, wrap towel around my waist, wrap smaller towel around my hair, clean my ears, clean face, moisturize face, apply under eye cream, towel dry hair, comb hair, blow dry hair, finish drying my body, put on lotion and then spritz with body spray.

Random Fact #7 - I have been known to give up my place in bed for the dogs. If Baja starts to crowd me at the top of the bed, I will often reverse my position - my pillow and head at the foot of the bed, spooned around Jager with Baja on my legs.

Have fun with this!! I probably could have listed several more, but thought this was insightful!!

Weekend Warrior

2007-05-11T12:16:00.000-05:00

Work has pretty much kicked my butt all week. We have had to deal with one person out sick and people out on vacation, crazy phone volumes, trying to manage capacity, technology issues... All fun stuff. It's at least made the week go by fast!

I finally went and had my work badge re-done. I was getting embarrassed by my old photo, and wouldn't wear my badge since people would do a double-take. I can totally see the difference, just like when I got my new drivers license. At least now I look like my photo, which is a good thing!

We're supposed to get scattered thunderstorms over the weekend, but I'm hoping they're early or at night so we get some decent time outside. There is a ton of yard work that should get done, plus I could use some serious deck time. We, of course, will take the dogs for at least one hike, maybe 2 if they're up for it. They have such a good time on our hikes, especially splashing in the lake. I would also like to get into the gym. It's been awhile and I could use a good sweat. I've put on a few pounds this week, and although I'm not in a panic state, I'd rather up the exercise rather than skipping meals to get back in the middle of my comfort zone.

My typical day is now:

Breakfast - 1 to 1 1/2 eggs, 3 flatbread crackers, fruit (I've been on a cantaloupe kick lately)
Snack - AchievOne protein shake
Lunch - 3-4 ounces of protein, veggies/salad, V-8 juice
Snack - Cheese stick, fruit (usually an apple)
Dinner - 3-4 ounces of protein, veggies/salad

I start my day off with about 16 ounces of black coffee, and on certain days I have a large skim latte. I get in plain water plus a 20-ounce VitaminWater. Where I'm getting off track is snacking on sweets and doing stupid things like eating 2 slices of pizza yesterday! Ugh. No wonder I'm up a few!

Life is pretty status quo right now. I'll have a new member on my team shortly, so that's great. Our department is going through so many good changes right now, it's really exciting. It keeps me on my toes, but I've gotten some really great recognition over the past few days that it really makes me feel appreciated.

Of course, what I'm really looking forward to is my three days off next week with Don. I know for sure we'll see "Shrek 3" but that's the only thing we have planned. It's mostly going to be about sleeping in, playing with the dogs and hanging out on the deck. Gotta work on my tan!!

Weird Weekend

2007-05-06T16:31:00.000-05:00

I was looking forward to a really nice weekend, but both Don and I came down with a bit of a bug. I made a really nice dinner on Friday - grilled tuna steaks, Asian noodles, asparagus and mixed salad (greens, grape tomatoes, beets, blue cheese, pecans) in an Asian dressing. I woke up Saturday and just felt off. I had planned on going to coffee, but realized I should stay a lot closer to my recliner and the bathroom.

I finally got up the energy to make a Trader Joe's and grocery store run since I needed ingredients for my fajitas I was making in honor of Cinco de Mayo. I got home and still felt weird - shaky, dry mouth, fuzzy head. We didn't drink on Friday night so I knew it wasn't a hangover. The weather was really overcast and windy, and I could feel rain coming, but Don and I decided to take the dogs for a hike around the lake. I was wearing yoga pants, a long-sleeve t-shirt and a down vest since the temps were in the low 60s, plus the winds were gusting to about 40 m.p.h.

About 2/3 of the way through the walk, I started feeling dizzy and had to stop every few feet to catch my breath. In addition, I was sweating like it was 90 degrees out - I mean drenching. Don ended up having to walk both dogs, although I tried to take Jager at the very end, but ended up actually having to sit down. Don went to take the dogs to the car and come back to get me, but I hustled after him since I realized I needed to find a bathroom right away, and there were port-a-potties where we parked. Let's just say I barely made it. Ugh.

I got home and was clammy and still sweating and freezing with chills. After a short nap in the recliner, I got enough energy up to take a shower, which actually did help, although I was still a little shaky. I finally started really feeling better around 3:00 or so - just in time for Don to start feeling like crap - chills, fevers, aches. We each had different symptoms, but it has to be the same bug...

Anyway, I did make great chicken fajitas with homemade guacamole. We skipped the margs, and stuck to water. We each popped some Advil, but both ended up with weird fever-induced dreams, so we both still felt like we were hit with a 2x4 this morning.

We kept it pretty low key today. I had a hair appointment and then read on the deck for a few hours, despite it being overcast and windy. We're watching some NBA games and a gold tournament and will have leftovers for dinner. My big chore for the weekend was dusting the downstairs - that's about all I had energy for! Don did the laundry, so I'll have clean clothes for next week.

Pretty boring post, I know, but at least we're feeling better and hoping for a good night's sleep to start the week off right!

Numb3rs

2007-04-29T11:14:00.000-05:00

What a gorgeous weekend! I've been able to spend a lot of time outside, really enjoying the warm weather, the breeze, no humidity or bugs. I grilled rib eye steaks on Friday since I knew Don and I wouldn't get to spend a lot of time together this weekend. He was gone from 10:00 AM to 10:30 PM yesterday. It shouldn't be as long of a day today, but he'll still get home around 7:00 or so. Part of me wishes it was a crappy weekend so he didn't feel like he missed anything, but there are more nice weekends to come, I'm sure.

I went to Macy's yesterday at Mall of America. They were offering free knife sharpening and my knives were in desperate need of that. I also went spring/summer clothing shopping to use up the remaining balance on my gift cards from Christmas. As I lost weight, I would sometimes freak out about clothes shopping. For those who have never had a weight issue, this might seem odd, but there is nothing like the feeling of going into a dressing room and not have anything fit or look right.

When I was at my heaviest, I could pretty much shop at one store, and I knew I just had to find their largest size. My choices were somewhat limited, and I knew exactly what size I was - 26/28. Even as I was losing weight, I was worried about buying smaller sizes since part of me wondered if I would actually get to that size. Even when I knew the surgery was working, I never imagined that I would be in single-digit sizes, and the choices could be overwhelming.

Now, when I go shopping, I have to remember that sizes don't always transfer from brand to brand. My size 14 jeans from Lane Bryant fit the same as my size 12 jeans from Eddie Bauer. I can wear either a size 8 or size 10 skirt. There are still size 14/16 shirts I can wear along side size 10 shirts. I always have to take in a large and a medium shirt into the dressing room, because, depending on the cut, I can wear both.

When I went to Macy's yesterday, with the goal of adding to my depleted spring/summer wardrobe, I had the mindset that I could not pay attention to the size number on the clothes. I had to buy what fit right, which could mean anything between an 8 or a 12, a medium or a large. I ended up with 3 skirts, a dress, 4 tops, and 2 pairs of pants.

The other thing I need to "get over" are the stores I can shop in. I had limited myself to one - Lane Bryant. I felt OK in Macy's and Target, but some boutique stores still scared me. I felt like an imposture, way out of my league. Stores like Gap, Ann Taylor, Banana Republic, etc. intimidated me. I didn't feel like I belonged. I mean, in my mind, there is no way I could fit into "regular" sizes.

Imagine my surprise when I was able to walk into a Ann Taylor Loft store and fit into a size! I even picked out a large sweater and a size 12 skirt. The sweater was way too big and the skirt was easily a size too big. In the end I purchased a size 10 skirt for 60% off. I still can't imagine I can go into a "normal" store and find clothes.

It's really easy to determine who we are by size. I have found that is not an accurate determination of who we are. We are more than that, although I know it's hard to always realize that. We want to be a "Size 8", but most aren't. Men, for the most part, are not defined by size, but women are. It's not fair, but it is what it is.

Right now, I can honestly say I am a size 8, or a size 14, depending on the cut.

TGI Thursday!

2007-04-26T17:57:00.000-05:00

Can I just say how much I love three-day weekends? I have tomorrow off and am looking forward to the long weekend with sunny skies and warm temps. It's going to be a great weekend to be outside. I do have some gardening to do, but plan to spend most of the time out on the deck with a book and the dogs. Don will be at the Vikings' facility monitoring the very long, very boring draft. He'll have to be there about 8-9 hours, along side crazy fans clad in purple and gold. I do not envy him, that's for sure!

Other than relaxing in the sun, I do have some general housecleaning to do (in the AM before the sun hits the deck!) as well as a few errands - car wash, manicure, Trader Joe's. I was supposed to hang out Sunday with a friend but she has to work so I think we'll just meet for breakfast. We went out this past weekend and had a nice time - had breakfast, drove up the riverbank into St. Paul, stopped at a few really cool stores including the Midtown Global Market and then went to Trader Joe's. I had wanted to get home in time to spend a few hours outside, but the weather turned and it rained pretty much the remainder of Sunday.

Everything seems to be pretty much status quo. I think I'm finally in a comfortable place with my foods, and I have been eating 3 meals plus 2 snacks pretty consistently lately. I haven't been doing anything to try and lose weight and I seem to be maintaining pretty easily. I could probably be eating more if I would get back into an exercise routine, but this seems to be working for me and I can stay right around the 164 mark. I've actually looked in the mirror a few times this week and I think I can finally see it. So often I catch a glimpse of myself and still see all the flaws instead of all the progress. In fact, I was in the lunchroom today getting water, and the TV was running a Nutrisystem commercial and the guys says, "I lost 50 pounds!" and in my response (in my head) was, "Yeah, I wish I could lose 50 pounds." What? I really had to catch myself and wonder where that thinking was coming from. I mean, I could lose another 5-10 pounds pretty safely, but there is no reason to need or want to lose 50 more pounds.

I think that just comes from the many, many years of being in the "losing" mind set. This is just one reason why I'm trying to keep my weight stable rather than continuing to lose. It's a weird place to be in, especially after living in the "always needing to lose" neighborhood. I told my bariatric nurse that I did not want to be one of those people who constantly whined about losing these "last 5 pounds." At some point, I am going to have to learn to be happy with my body no matter the number on the scale.

I'm late night leader at work, so I'm here for another 64 minutes (not that I'm counting or anything!). Off to do some catch up reading!

The Arrival of Spring & Allergies

2007-04-19T09:45:00.000-05:00

Spring is officially here in all her glory with longer days, crisp mornings, chirping birds, bunnies in the front yard, blooming trees, scratchy eyes and sore throats! I woke up this morning with bleary eyes and a head so stuffed it feels like I ate every cotton ball in the house.

I ended up calling in sick since I didn't get a lick of sleep and I still can't breathe. I really didn't want to take a sick day since I am planning on taking next Friday off, but I'd be SFB today, plus I don't know if I have anything to wear that wouldn't clash with the red in my eyes.

I have my 18-month follow up with the bariatric clinic at 3:30 this afternoon. I'll meet with my nurse and have my blood work drawn. The only thing I have going on physically are some ulcers that I will need scoped to see their severity and figure out if I need something other than Prilosec.

I am pretty pleased with my progress. I have been able to maintain weight for the past few months - keeping it between 163 and 167 without too much work. I think my surgeon will be happy with where I am, especially since I'm below his goal of 185. I think I'm working the tool well. I have some emotional issues to deal with, but those have always been there, just hidden away.

It's supposed to be nice this weekend with some chance of early evening thunderstorms. Typical Minnesota spring. Just as long as the days are nice so we can do some hikes with the dogs and spend some time on the deck. I just love being outside this time of year, allergies notwithstanding.

Since I'm home, I guess I can be helpful around the house - laundry, dishes and the like. And a nap. Definitely a nap.

Where Is Spring?

2007-04-12T14:16:00.000-05:00

I am going to gripe about the weather - again! It's mid-April and we have 2 inches of snow on the ground. WTF? Where do I live? Hell frozen over? I am so ready for spring, sunny skies, warm breezes, grass between my toes, colors other than brown and grey, sleeping with open windows, a tan. We're supposed to get a warming trend starting this weekend and the 10-day forecast has some low-60s and mostly sunny skies. All I have to say is that it's about freakin' time.

Everything else seems to be going along smoothly. Don and I got our financing stuff approved, so we're just waiting for the final paperwork to come through. That will be a relief once that is completed. This will help with some big things coming up like lovely property taxes and car leases expiring. Speaking of which, we have two Hondas - a 2-door Civic and a CRV. We were thinking of upgrading to a 4-door Civic and another CRV. Our previous cars were a Civic and an Accord, so we've been driving Hondas for the last several years and haven't had a lick of trouble with them. I had a Toyota Camry prior to the Accord and had so many issues with the car and with Toyota in general. Any thoughts on cars we should consider? My commute is currently 20 miles one way, so I like the idea of a small-ish sedan, but I really want a 4-door. We also like having a small SUV in case of really bad snow as well as our yearly drive to California with the dogs.

And while we're on the topic of reader recommendations, Bath & Body Works has discontinued their line of face cleansers, lotions and scrubs I was using and now I need to find something else. Gah! I currently use a face wash for oily skin and an exfoliating scrub in the shower. I then use an astringent from Clinique followed by a fine-line or anti-aging serum and a moisturizer for oily skin. Any thoughts on a good line of facial products? I certainly don't need anything like La Mer (please, $100 an ounce?), but I am almost 40 so I do need to take care of my poor skin.

The depression doesn't seem as crushing as before. I still have my moments, but I feel like I can at least see the light at the end of the tunnel so to speak (I'm pretty confident it's not an oncoming train, either). The meds certainly seem to be working and I haven't had a panic attack since I started carrying the Ativan. I still haven't gotten into a good sleep pattern and I don't want to add a Tylenol PM on top of the anti-depressant. I may look at switching the meds to the AM to see if that helps my sleep at all.

No big plans on tap for the weekend. Now that we've let our cleaners go, I know part of the weekend will be spent doing some cleaning around the house. It's also the last Saturday our office is open for Tax Season, so I will probably come in for a few hours in support. We have a few supply drawers that are in serious need of cleaning. I mean, we have more 3-ring binders than a Staples store. It's amazing how certain areas just become dumping grounds for unwanted supplies. Of course, no one can find anything so we end up ordering more of something we already have a boatload of. I mean, how many thumbtacks or boxes of staples does our department of 20 really need?

A hike or two with the dogs is in order. They have been cooped up since last weekend because of the weather, and I'm sure they're driving poor Don nuts while he works from home. They want out, they want in, they want back out. We should teach them how to open and close the door! I also need to get into the gym both days for some strength training - upper body on Saturday, lower body on Sunday. If I'm really on the ball, I might even make the water aerobics class on Saturday morning (at 8:15 AM!!!) before coming into work.

Other than that, I'd like to get some reading in and I have several TiVO'd shows I need to catch up on before I run out of disk space.

What I really need is about 6 more hours in the day!

Winter, Part II

2007-04-06T09:16:00.000-05:00

I am not dealing with this drastic change in weather very well. My mind and body are ready and expecting spring-like temps, but we're getting mid-30s with wind chills in the single digits. I mean, 3 degrees at 6:30 AM in April? What kind of hell am I living in? At least we're not getting snow. Some northern MN cities got 8 - 12 inches while we just got a dusting that didn't stick around past sunrise. Mentally I have already put my winter gear away, and I have a hard time remembering how to dress for these kinds of temps. I guess the good news is that I still have more winter clothes than spring/summer wear, so I have more couture options.

It's supposed to be a quiet day at work with the financial markets closed. I have a few things to finish, but no meetings and not too much to do other than manage the real time capacity. It will be a nice day to get some things cleaned up and filed - a little spring cleaning around the desk. It's amazing how dusty an enclosed office can get. It seems like I just wiped down all of my desk surfaces a few weeks ago, and now they are all covered in a fine dust.

No big plans for the weekend - a possible appearance at coffee tomorrow after a much-needed visit to the gym. Not sure what we may do with the dogs. If it's warm enough, I'd love to do a hike around the lake at least one day. The funny thing is that a hike used to sap all their energy for at least the rest of the day, if not into the next day. Now, it just seems to get them more revved up! I keep telling Don we need to try for two laps (5.5 - 6 miles) but I worry that half way through the second lap, Jager's leg would start giving her trouble and we'd end up carrying her the rest of the way. Trust me, the last thing either of us needs is to carry a 50-pound dog half way around a lake.

I seem to be feeling a difference after a week on the anti-depressants. It doesn't seem like the world is shrinking around me and I don't feel like there is a black cloud over my head 24/7. I think I'm finally getting some good sleep, which also helps my overall mood. I wish I didn't need drugs to help me feel normal, but it's nice to not to have the overall anxious/panicky feeling all the time. Tasks don't seem so overwhelming and I actually feel like I can get things accomplished without worrying about what isn't done yet.

That's about all from here. Just trying to stay warm and stop thinking about spring!!

Back to Work

2007-04-03T07:07:00.000-05:00

It was a sad day at our house on Sunday as both Don and I wrapped up our week of vacation. He's back monitioring Vikings news and I'm back in the office. It was tough getting up at 5:30 AM yesterday, but I'm feeling pretty good today and back in the swing of things.

I had a great week - we got a lot accomplished. We met with our financial advisor and worked out a plan to consolidate the debt with a much lower monthly payment and know about tracking every penny that passes through our hands and making neccesary cuts. I know it's just for the short term until we get things squared away, so no yoga, but continuing our gym membership; getting manicures but no pedicures; cutting out wine clubs and the housecleaning services. I feel a lot less anxious about the financial stuff now that Don and I are working on it together.

My follow-up meeting with my PCP went well. She has me on Celexa (anti-depressant) and Ativan (anti-anxiety, taken as needed). I'm not sure if it's just the Celexa, but I do feel calmer and less anxious. It's almost like I'm more focused. I'm still working on sleeping through the night. One of the side effects is either causing drowsiness or hyper-activity, so I started out taking my daily dose at night but I seem to wake up around midnight and toss and turn for a few hours, although last night didn't seem as bad. I didn't want to start taking it in the morning and falling asleep at my desk. I'll continue with taking it at night for another week and see how I do.

I did weigh in on Sunday and saw my lowest weight to date - 162.8. I have now lost more weight (178.3 pounds) than what I currently weigh. I'm still working on just maintaining my weight, and I haven't really skipped a lot of meals, so I guess my body is still shedding a few more pounds on its own. I did do a lot of walking while I was off - we took the dogs for a hike or a walk almost every day. Now that I'm back to work, though, I am going to try and get into a better gym routine - 4 days a week in addition to walks with the dogs.

One of my big To Dos over the week was to get a new driver's license photo. I was getting tired of the double-takes and questions. The guy taking my photo was very nice - he even let me do my first one over since I looked startled. Now if I can just convince work security to let me take a new one I might actually wear my ID badge in the office (I usually stuff it in my desk even though we're supposed to wear it).

Other than that, I finished the first two books of the Fantasy Challenge (see below) and started the third. I had coffee with some friends on Saturday and then went to the Minneapolis Institute of Art which was a lot of fun. I can't believe I've been here 2.5 years and this was my first museum trip in the city. Sunday was spent mostly complaining about the weather (rainy and gloomy) and going back to work.

Speaking of weather - last Monday we were at 81 and yesterday it barely made it to 50. Supposedly we're getting 1-3 inches of snow (!!) today, and some lows will dip into the teens over the next few days. What happened to spring? We even broke out the deck chairs!!

Off to get this day started.

Book Challenge

2007-03-28T07:44:00.000-05:00

Carl has a Spring fantasy reading challenge that I have decided to join since I have so many unread books, I thought this would be a good kick in the butt to get me reading. After much debate, I have decided to start with the following books:

A Dirty Job, Christopher Moore (finished)
The Good, The Bad and The Undead, Kim Harrison (in progress)
Tithe, Holly Black
Time and Again, Jack Finney (re-read)
The Rebellion of the Beasts, Leigh Hunt
The Once and Future King, T.H. White
The Mirror of Her Dreams, Stephen Donaldson
The Princess Bride, William Goldman (re-read)

That's the first round. If I finish, I'd like to add:

Valiant, Holly Black
A Man Rides Through, Stephen Donaldson (sequel)
Eragon, Christopher Paolini
Eldest, Christopher Paolini

Of course, to finish the challenge, I will read A Midsummer Night's Dream.

That will keep me busy for a bit. By the time I get done with this, I should be ready for my summer reading list!

Feels A Lot Like Summer!

2007-03-27T09:26:00.000-05:00

We broke a temp record yesterday here in Minneapolis - 83 degrees! It was wonderful. Don and I spend some time out on the deck. We have a busy schedule today - hike with the dogs, gym, yoga, Wild hockey game. I just love vacation! It's not scheduled to be as warm today - more like the mid-60s, which is typical for March here. It's hard to believe when I woke up this morning it was 43 - a 40 degree drop in just a few hours. I hope my friends to the east of Minneapolis are enjoying the fine weather!

Besides doing some reading, I also got my teeth cleaned and had a partial yearly exam. I still have to go in for my pap, but that's a few months off. I also saw my psych and we decided I need to go back to my PCP to discuss the depression/anxiety to see if there is a medical (e.g., drugs) remedy I can use to get me through this stage. She's also retesting my thyroid to see if my levels are off which may be causing my sweatiness (yeah, TMI, I know).

Don and I are meeting with our financial planner tomorrow and we have some good ideas for how we are going to deal with debt, savings and budgets. Thanks to Jen, I also found a lot of
helpful tools at Oprah's Debt Diet. I will be playing around with some of the downloads today.

I did a good portion of the spring cleaning over the weekend - all of the upstairs is done with the exception of laundering the guest bathroom towels. Don vacuumed the downstairs and swept the garage and basement. I need to tackle the laundry room, clean the stove and fridge. One of the best parts of going from winter to spring is changing the flannel sheets for cool, cotton ones. I love sleeping in fresh, crisp sheets and the windows open (even if it did get into the 40s last night!).

Off to take the frisky pups (actually they are lying on the grass in the sun) on our lake hike. When we took them on Saturday, the part of the lake shore we let the dogs romp around was still frozen, but I think after yesterday's "heat wave" we might have some more meltage so the dogs can wade a little bit.

In case I haven't said it, I love vacation!

3:30 AM Ramblings and Such

2007-03-20T03:27:00.000-05:00

So, I can't sleep. I have been up since at least 1:00 AM, and downstairs since 2:30, doing dishes, making lunch for ~~tomorrow~~ today, catching up on blogs.

Depression is a funny (no pun intended) thing. It can manifest itself in many ways. For me, it can mean uncontrollable sobbing (very unlike me), lashing out in anger, withdrawing, insomnia. I like to be in control, so to "lose it" is very telling. The more I try to keep things in, the more likely they are to slip out in bad ways. Part of me feels the safest place for me is in the back corner of a dark closet where no one can find me. And maybe, if I stay there long enough, the bad will have passed me by. I have way too many responsibilities to hide, although the thought is mighty tempting.

My mind is spinning over possible solutions to our immediate debt problem. Of course, that only means consolidating the debt and not really getting rid of it (yeah, we didn't win the lotto this weekend). Of course, managing one or two large payments seems easier than managing several smaller payments, but I don't know if that ultimately solves our (my) problems.

Yes, I say my problems, since I am the one with not a budgeting bone in her body. I am the one who "needs" the monthly mani/pedis, hair coloring, latest books (even though I have about 50 unread books in my guest room), cute clothes (hey, do you know I'm in a size 8-10 now??), yoga classes, wine clubs, etc., etc., etc. Don's only vice is taking me out, where I end up giving the dogs 2/3 of my meal because "I don't do leftovers." So we can spend $100 for a meal out, and it really should only cost half that if I stuck with splitting his meal or ordering an appetizer portion. So, yeah, this hole we've dug - mostly my fault.

And that's hard to write. I mean, Don will come back with, "We're a couple, this is our problem," but I have this fear that he does, deep inside blame me. I mean, I do most of the spending - whether on groceries or crap. I don't take him to Target (aka the $100 store) so he can rein me in, as in, "Why do you need to supply $30 worth of candy to your office? (unsaid implications - "When you don't need/can't have the candy anyway?")."

Yes, I should have been more open and honest about our financial situation, but when I really started down the whole dark path to depression last fall, I wasn't thinking about the money. I just wanted to get the bills paid (somewhat) on time, even if that did mean robbing Peter to pay Paul down the road. I don't think I even knew how serious it was (reason number one not to let a depressed person manage most of the finances) until this month. I am kicking myself knowing if I had been even a smidgen aware of what was going on back then, it could have saved us 5 months of this crap.

There are options. It's amazing how many financial institutions want to extend us credit of some sort. It will still mean making some hard decisions, and giving up things that I kind of took as "rights" - 3x a week latte, eating out 2x a week, buying lunch instead of packing it because I was rushed in the morning, pre-made protein shakes, new clothes instead of considering Goodwill or consignment stores, gym membership (especially if I opt to find a second job), etc.

I'd love to keep things mostly status quo, but that isn't going to solve the problem. The good news is I have next week off, and I can focus on a lot of the details of getting something in place ASAP. I am also meeting with my PCP and can discuss a better solution to the depression/anxiety issue than wine and Tylenol PM.

Trying To Keep It Together

2007-03-18T15:29:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the lack of posts, but life & work is kicking my butt right now, and I'm just trying to keep my head above water.

First the good news - my eating and weight seem to have stabilized. The more I see my weight staying the same, the less I am stressed about eating the right foods. I'm getting pretty consistent about eating 3 meals and 2 snacks. I am getting 80+ ounces of water in per day. I am doing pretty good at getting 2-3 servings of fruit and veggies in every day. I've expanded my foods to include things like sesame-encrusted tuna steaks, cornbread stuffed pork loin with dried cherry sauce, blue cheese grilled ribeye, Asian glazed salmon. Tonight, I'm making one of my signature dishes - spinach, mushroom, blue cheese stuffed chicken breasts with mushroom risotto and steamed broccoli. Yum. I think one of the keys for me is variety - not just with ingredients but with tastes and texture as well. I am holding steady at between 164 and 167 and I am comfortable with that. One of the big wins is that I am weighing 2-3 times a week instead of every day.

Work is really hopping now. I have a lot of projects going on, a lot of deadlines, emergencies popping up left and right. As my personal life spirals out of control, I am finding it harder and harder to keep my head in the game at work. Next week will be a bit of a break as I will be getting certified in teaching a customer service class which will be a huge initiative for our group in 2007. It's a pretty big thing, since I'm not in the training department and it will mean a week away from my own job, but it's a growth opportunity for me, and I'm pretty excited about it.

On the personal front, I am still coming to grips with the depression and anxiety hovering over me like my own personal black cloud. I found one of the key root causes - the huge amount of debt we're facing. I have been juggling bills monthly, and it's starting to collapse to the point where we need to make some decisions about what is and is not important - gym memberships, pedicures/manicures, hair appointments, lawn care, house cleaners. One of the big revenue generators will be downsizing, but that's not something that will be accomplished overnight. Plus, you need to spend money to get the house ready, keep the house clean, etc. The worrying about money is causing some tough emotional issues for me as well as how they manifest physically - tension, stomach problems, general feeling of malaise. Now that it's out in the open between me and Don, it will be easier to work out some solutions. The good news is that we're getting money back from our taxes - not a lot - but enough to help out some.

Anyway, therapy and having Don as my rock is helping. Also, the two dogs keep me very engaged when I'm at home. I mean, they don't understand depression and how can one remain depressed when one has puppy kisses and tail wags?

Off to work on dinner. It's pretty easy, but it takes a lot of prep work with dicing, stuffing and breading. The end result is mighty tasty, though.

Springing Forward

2007-03-11T17:57:00.000-05:00

I'm back safely from Las Vegas - no worse for wear, and only down about $60.00. The conference was great - some good information, great networking, and just a nice time to be away from real work. Of course, Las Vegas is hardly my kind of town and there was a lot of eye-opening scenes. I mean, who is still gambling at 6:00 AM? I would go down for my coffee, and there were people gambling, drinking, smoking. Sensory overload, that's for sure.

I had a great dinner with my brother, his wife and my friend on Saturday at Bradley Ogden. The tab was $750+, but Gavin got it comped so we just chipped in for the tip. I met him on Sunday and we had dinner at his place so I could see my nephews and meet their new dog, Angel. That was great - Brant & Evan put on a "concert" for me and Angel fell in love with me...

The funny thing was that both my best friend and my brother didn't recognize me at all. That was a weird thing - approaching them and they totally didn't know who I was. I am still working on seeing myself as others might see me, and it's not always easy.

Anyway, signs of spring are starting to show themselves. We have had major meltage here, with ankle-deep puddles, slushy snow, muddy puppy bellies. I can't believe last week I was watching my plane being de-iced and this week I am trudging through mud and slush with the dogs. I love it! I can't wait for Don to get the snow off the deck so we can break out the patio table and chairs.

We did look at two open houses today, just to get a feeling for what we would be looking at, both space-wise and price-wise. The second house we saw was great, although not perfect (1-car garage, no master suite bathroom) but easily fixed. The space is much better used than what we have here. We will continue to explore the option of down-sizing, but this house seemed pretty close to what we are looking for.

As I get back into the real world, after being in Sin City for 6 days, there is much I want to blog about - mostly surrounding adoption, addiction transference, yoga at the gym...

Anyway, I'm off to catch up on my readings to see what you all have been up to while I was gone! Hope you've been good!!

Winter Minnesota-Style

2007-03-02T12:43:00.002-06:00

2007-03-02T12:43:00.001-06:00

Digging Out

2007-03-02T09:15:00.000-06:00

I'm not sure of the exact totals so far, but when we went out to play with the dogs at around 5:30 last night, the snow was knee-deep in most places, with some drifts even higher. The dogs, of course, thought it was great to plow through chest-high drifts, and they slepts like rocks last night. Trust me - I tried to move Jager several times and ended up having to sleep around her.

Don was great this morning; he got up at 5:00 AM to snow blow the driveway while I got ready for work. I'm so glad we don't have to do this on a regular basis. I mean, for the 2.5 winters we've lived here, this has been the most snow accumlation, and we hadn't even revved up the blower until this past weekend this winter, so I can't complain too much.

The roads were icy and snowy on the way into work. They don't look nearly as bad now that the sun is up and more traffic has sluiced away a lot of the muck. I am hoping to get out of here between 11:00 AM and noon so I can finish packing and spend some time with the dogs and Don before abandoning them for warmer climes.

My flight is showing delayed about 45 minutes to wait for incoming aircraft, but the original flight time is 5:25 PM so I'm thinking there's still time for it to go out as scheduled. Tonight is still up in the air, but I think I'll hook up with Patty and John, we'll eat at the hotel and do a little gambling. Not sure what we are going to do during the day Saturday - I'm bringing a bathing suit since it's going to be in the 70s, but Patty says it's too cold for her to be pool side. Say what? Crazy Californian!

I'm a little nervous about the conference. I will only know my co-worker and we will be attending different break out groups. I don't socialize well with people I don't know, and this is my first real event like this since surgery. I was a total wallflower at 336 pounds, and I'm not sure how I will react in a big social situation now that I'm 165. I am checking TWO bags. I will be there for 5 days and will need work, play and dress clothes. I do have workout clothes packed, but those may go in favor of another outfit. Yes, I have become quite the diva. I used to only pack 1 pair of shoes - now I'm looking at 3 or 4 (all black, of course).

Anyway, no posts until I get back on Wednesday night. Unless I get home early enough to put some up of the snowy back yard. Have a great weekend!!

More Snow!!

2007-03-01T06:38:00.001-06:00

Yep, another snowstorm dropped about 3 more inches on top of the 8 we already had, and we're supposed to get between 6 and 9 more before midnight. Thank goodness I'm getting out of this snowy hell and going to Las Vegas on Friday.

Seriously, I don't mind the snow but it can make for some rough mornings at work, trying to staff phone queues and clients not really caring if half the staff is snowed in. I do wish it was spread out a little more, like 2 inches here, 3 inches there, instead of these big multi-inched dumps. I do have to say, Minneapolis keeps up the roads pretty well. My drive into work was smooth - nothing more than excess water on the roadways - no ice, slush, snow drifts, etc. Our street hadn't been plowed when I left at 5:45 AM, but enough cars had gone by I could follow the tire marks.

So, yes, I'm off to Las Vegas on Friday. I have a work conference that begins on Sunday night and I'm going in a few days early to see my brother and my best friend is coming in from Los Angeles with her boyfriend. It should be a lot of fun. I'm staying at the Hilton on Friday and Saturday night and then moving to Caesar's Palace for the conference. Saturday night, we're going to Bradley Ogden, which should be great. I wanted to try Mesa Grill, but I still might have a chance before I leave LV since it's in Caesar's. I don't have any specific plans other than doing a lot of people-watching. I'm not a huge gambler (I work way to hard for my money to blow it all on slots or Blackjack).

Work is crazy with all the snow. We are starting to let people go home early because schools are closing and my normal 30-minute commute could easily be 1+ hours. Great - I have a 4:00 nail appointment I really need to go to before I head to Vegas. For safety's sake, I should go home, but vanity will win out and I will have lovely nails. At least the salon is close to home. We are even looking at overnighting people downtown just so we have people on the phones in the morning.

I still need to pack, and it looks like I will have to actually check bags. Normally, I could totally carry on, but I will be gone for 5 days and need work, play and evening wear. I did break out some of my summer clothes and shoes I packed away last fall. Only 1 skirt and 2 shirts even fit - the rest are too big. At least
it went in that direction - I think when I put the clothes away for winter I was worried that they'd be too small because I just wasn't confident that I'd be able to either stay the same size or be an even smaller size in 6 months. Wonder what will happen when I store my winter garb?

I have one more meeting before I can head home. I hope the snow lets up enough for the commute to go easily, and that the salon can take me early.

Snowbound

2007-02-25T11:51:00.000-06:00

We got about 8 inches of snow overnight. It started with icy bits they call scrapple and it morphed into snow late afternoon. I did decide to go to Mall of America for Macy's big sale. I got a ton of stuff for just over $100.00 - a raincoat, 2 skirts, 3 sweaters, a pair of dress slacks and a dress shirt. I actually had a few other items - a black denim jacket with a skull and crossbones bedazzled on the back, a basic black sheath and matching blazer and a pair of Lucky Brand jeans, but decided against them, although now I'm kind of regretting the jacket decision.

Shopping remains a bit of a chore for me. Although I can pretty much shop at any store, I just get so overwhelmed with all the decisions. It's weird knowing I can buy cute clothes rather than just anything that fits. I am confused about sizes as well. I have to try everything on because sizes vary even within the same brand because of cut or material. I thought I was a pretty solid 12 in slacks, but actually fit into size 10. The funny thing is that I still have a pair of size 14W jeans, and those seem to fit fine.

I ended up not going to the charity event last night. I started running a fever around 4:00 PM, and did try to take a shower to see if that helped, which it didn't. Jen was pretty forgiving about me flaking, but, in hindsight, probably a good decision. I don't know if I would have been able to make it up the driveway any time after about 8:00.

Don is supposed to be heading home today. His flight is already delayed an hour, so he should arrive around 5:15, but I won't feel confident he'll get here tonight until I see the flight has taken off. What's worse, he had to park on the roof so his car is buried. We did talk about him taking a cab, and now I wished he had gone that route.

Of course, with 8 inches on the ground and 3-5 more expected, the driveway needed to be cleared so Don could get the car in (yet another reason to have taken a cab!!). I started to shovel, but we have a pretty bid driveway and that wasn't really working, so Don walked me through starting the snowblower. After a few false starts, I actually got it running and was able to do Don's side. I started to do my side, but it just got to be too much so we have a half-assed plowed driveway. I didn't even attempt to do the sidewalk. That will just have to wait until Don gets home. Of course, if he's delayed I will have to figure out how to get my car down the driveway.

So, I am housebound for the rest of the day. The dogs are in a mellow mood - good thing, too. They'll get their frisky mood on around 3:00 or so. I've done two loads of laundry. I did make Chicken Poblano Chowder (from Paula Deen, with a few modifications) last night since soup always tastes better the second day. That will be dinner and a good warm up for Don, especially if he has to do the other part of the drive.

In the meantime, I am dealing with some mild anxiety & depression, I think. The last few days have been really hard, and part of the reason is Don's away but I'm not sure what else it is. Even something as simple as organizing my sock drawer or going through catalogs is overwhelming to me. I'm dealing with it in an unhealthy way - withdrawing, drinking and generally letting everything go to pot because I just can't get started on anything. I just want to curl up and make the world go away. In the last few days, I get the sweats and shakes for no reason, and last night I burst into tears. I hate feeling this way. I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow so I'm sure we'll be discussing this. I really need to get a handle on things before it starts affecting my life.

To be honest, I don't know if this has anything to do with WLS. I'm still not eating like I should, especially the last few days since Don's been gone. I have cooked up a storm, but haven't eaten any of it. I did just have lunch but I hardly ate anything yesterday or Friday, and I know I'm not getting all of my water in. I wish I enjoyed food more, but it's just not happening for me.

Off to finish the laundry and I might tackle the sock drawer...

Almost Friday!

2007-02-22T14:21:00.000-06:00

I can't believe it's been a week since I posted! Where has the time gone? And it's almost March??

The hot stone massages were wonderful. If you haven't tried one, you have no idea what you're missing. Both Don and I were super relaxed for the rest of the weekend. We had an amazing dinner at Babalu in downtown Minneapolis. We both loved our dishes - I had a stuffed chicken breast with serrano ham and brie cheese with sweet corn mashed potatoes and he had a double-cut pork chop with sweet potato hash and a maple-chipotle glaze. The desserts were great as well. We usually split one, but two sounded really good - a trio dessert tamales which were stuffed with vanilla creme, chocolate mousse and a berry creme and I had a take off on key lime pie which was a layer of key lime creme and then a layer of graham cracker repeated 6 times. Yum. We weren't there late enough for salsa dancing, but next time we will be!

Don is off in Indy this week through Sunday for the NFL Rookie Combine where potential players strut their stuff for NFL teams. It's not very exciting, but part of the job, so I am flying solo for the rest of the week and the weekend. I have a charity auction/cocktail party to attend on Saturday to support two women I work with, so that will be fun. I think I am going to take some of my bonus from last week and go play at Mall of America. I am in sore need of some spring/summer clothes and I hope to catch a few end of the season sales since I am still without a proper winter jacket now that I have shrunk out of the one I had.

It's supposed to be an icky weekend weather-wise. After nearly a week at above freezing temps (we even got into the 40s a few days), most of the snow is gone save a few icy patches and some large snow drifts. I just tried to spread out some of the drifts along the edge of the driveway so when we supposedly get snow on Sunday it will be easier to shovel. Let me just add, shoveling in cowboys boots with no sole grip is not recommended. Also, letting your dogs out in the (muddy) backyard with the sliding glass door open while you are out front shoveling is not the best way to keep your cream carpets clean.

Foods are going well - I think part of that is I am finding my weight is stabilized as long as I eat on plan. I weighed myself on Monday and today (yes, I'm trying not to weigh every day) and I was the same weight. I'm still not eating as much as I should but I am keeping focused on protein and veggies/fruit. I made a kick ass Asian glazed pork loin with a warm broccoli slaw last night. I think as long as I keep my taste buds engaged with flavors, I am more apt to eat.

Yoga class kicked my butt on Monday. We added new positions, many of which I couldn't do fully. There was one where you start with standing with your feet in a wide stance. You put your hands on the floor, aligning your elbows with your knees. I was fine with that. And then the instructor said, "OK, now hook your knees on your elbows and lift your feet." Yeah, right. My legs feel like I did a heavy weight routine. It's all good, and challenging but I guess I never really thought yoga could be this physically demanding. We're working toward some headstand poses, so that should be interesting.

I will be working shorter hours tomorrow so I can get home to the dogs. They are full of beans with this weather, and if I get home before the freezing sleet I can try and take them for a walk. Otherwise, we may just play fetch and chase in the backyard.

Off to catch up on some of my blog reading!

Weekend Forecast

2007-02-16T08:56:00.000-06:00

I am so glad it's Friday. It's been a busy week and next week will be just as busy, only Don won't be here from Wednesday on since he'll be in Indy for work. I really need a few days off to restock, reload and plan. I have been flying by the seat of my pants all week, and, with this silly head cold, I feel like I'm a bit out of control.

In fact, since I haven't been able to get to the gym or even look at my treadmill, and I've been eating, I haven't gotten on the scale since Tuesday. I mean, in a way that's good, but I am so afraid of what the number is going to be once I do hop on (maybe on Sunday). This is the longest I've gone without weighing since surgery. My clothes are still fitting so it can't be that bad, but I am starting to feel guilty about not exercising.

The good news is that I am planning on doing at least an hour of interval training at the gym tomorrow morning before coffee. If I really hit the ground running, I may even do a bit of light weights, just to get back into the swing of things. After coffee, it will be trips to Trader Joe's, CostCo, maybe the car wash and the grocery store so I don't have to worry about anything after we get our 80-minute hot stone massage.

We're trying a new restaurant tomorrow night -
Babalu. It's Latin-Caribbean and they have jazz and salsa dancing. Anyway, it should be a lot of fun. I love trying new places, and there are so many great spots in the Twin Cities.

Sunday will be all about getting some meals prepared so I don't have to worry too much during the week. I have after work appointments Monday & Tuesday. There is a support group meeting on Wednesday, but with Don out of town, I'll probably skip it. Next weekend, I have a benefit dinner to go to with a silent and live auction. I'm taking my friend Jen so I know it will be a hoot. There will be some people from work as well. It should be fun and keep me out of trouble.

Of course, the following weekend brings another trip - part personal, part business - to Las Vegas. I have a conference starting on 3/4 so I will go in a few days early to see my brother. My best friend from California will be joining me along with her boyfriend for the weekend, so that will be a lot of fun. The conference runs through Wednesday and I'm still deciding if I want to take that Thursday & Friday off just for some down time.

Anyway, off to a bunch of meetings for the day, including a 2-hour one. I'd love to sneak out a little early but I don't think I can get out before 3:30, even if I was in before 7:00 AM!

I'm Baaaack!

2007-02-14T07:37:00.000-06:00

Sorry for the lack of updates - we had a wonderful time in California, but I came back with a pretty bad cold and have been battling that ever since our return...

We got in to Los Angeles with plenty of time to stop at one of my favorite Mexican restaurants, Paco's Tacos. Paco's was across the street from our house, and was a frequent haunt of ours, and probably responsible for at least 50 of my 170 excess pounds. I got to taste real Mexican food, not the stuff they pass off as "Mexican" here in the great white north (pickles on tacos?? Seriously??). I was pretty stuffed when I left and was feeling a little guilty about that, but realized I was stuffed on one taco and some rice and beans - not the taco, enchilada, full orders of rice and beans plus chips, salsa and guacamole.

We then headed for my nutritionist's office. As luck would have it, my chiropractor was still there so I got a bonus adjustment. My meeting with Phil went well. First off, his scale actually agreed with mine, so I felt pretty good about that. There is nothing worse thinking your scale is right, only to get into a doctor's office and have it weigh you at 5 pounds more. He ran my cholesterol, and it was actually better than his!! I continue to have great numbers in that department, which is a huge change from before surgery when I was borderline diabetic. He measured my body fat, which came in higher than what the gym had said, but he does a more accurate measurement, so it's actually 23% instead of 21%, but still great.

Phil gave me a food plan I could live with. His big thing is "thumbprinting" a meal, meaning even if I'm not hungry, I need to sit down with some food and take just a few bites to get my mind into a routine where it comes to expect a meal, even if I'm not hungry. We also discussed exercise and he has agreed to let me go back to lifting weights if I do it with a trainer and focus more on core exercises rather than power lifting (I'm not getting in enough calories to repair any muscle damage that may happen with heavy lifting). I'll continue to do yoga twice a week and get 4-5 days of cardio in as well. Of course, with everything going on this week, I haven't been able to stick to the exercise plan, but I'm doing OK with the foods despite being sick. We agreed that maintaining my current weight would be fine for now, and if it goes down with the exercise and food plan so be it. I just want to be able to stay one weight for awhile so I can consult with a plastic surgeon soon.

We had a great time seeing Dad & Dean and Mom & Deb. Don and I took a long walk on the beach Friday - I even got my feet wet in the Pacific (probably why I now have a cold!). The weather was beautiful - mid-60s, mostly sunny, nice breeze. It was a really nice visit. It went by quickly, and I wish we had more time, but we'll be back in July for 2 weeks.

Having a cold really sucks. At least I don't have a sore throat anymore - some fresh ginger, lemon juice, cinnamon, honey and cayenne steeped in hot water seemed to do the trick for that. The cold has settled in my head and chest, and I still sound like Kathleen Turner after a pack of cigarettes, but I'm not coughing and my nose isn't too drippy.

Don and I are going out to dinner for Valentine's Day tonight. We agreed on no gifts and opted for a couples' hot stone massage on Saturday. That should feel great! We're also celebrating my raise and bonus, which were pretty generous. I still have to decide what I want to do with my bonus - pay off a credit card, get new carpet and paint or stock away in a savings account for possible plastic surgery. The smart thing would be to pay off a credit card but Don is insisting that I do something for me. We'll see....

Baby, It's Cold Outside!

2007-02-06T17:18:00.000-06:00

We have just gotten through a string of days where the highs didn't get above zero. In fact, on Monday morning on my drive into work, the temp was -18 with it feeling like -40 with the wind chill. To put that in perspective, your freezer should be 0 or below. So if you want to feel what we're feeling here, clear out your freezer, get in it with a fan on high and enjoy. You know it's bad when the warnings are you cannot be outside for more than 10 minutes before suffering from frostbite.

I am feeling better since my last post, and I'm trying to get more fiber in to help things, um, keep moving along. I am trying not to weigh myself until Thursday morning so I have an idea when I meet with my nutritionist once I get to Los Angeles. Granted, the plan will have me weighing in with him after Don and I stop at Paco's Tacos for lunch, but I can live with that. I mean, how much weight can I gain from a half taco and some beans?

With the cold, I buckled and bought the dogs jackets just because I was worried about their well-being on their (short) ventures outside this weekend. They're actually pretty cute - a shearling jacket for Jager and a fleece for Baja. Where they really feel the cold is in their paws.

We're off to the warmth of Los Angeles & Santa Barbara this weekend, although to hear my mother tell it, it's freezing there. Ha! It's 65 and I know they are expecting rain, but I will take that over sub-zero temps and snow.

I could use a break from work. I worked on Saturday since we are getting into tax season. It's just so busy and I'm feeling pulled in so many directions. I just hope this hard work will pay off in some completed projects soon so I can experience some success.

The weight and food still are issues. I don't want to eat, and I continue to lose weight, down to 164 this week which is below my threshold of 167. I think part of it is that I will be seeing my parents, and in some cases friends, at my lowest weight since college (freshman year, at that). I felt like a failure then, and I am having a hard time feeling like a success now since the only difference is 20 years.

Anyway, not sure if I will get to post from the road but I hope to update at least once!

Liquid Diet Redux

2007-01-31T13:31:00.000-06:00

So I have been experiencing some pretty major abdominal discomfort over the last few days. It finally got bad enough to call my nurse at the bariatric clinic who recommended that I go to Urgent Care.

After 4 hours, 2 x-rays, blood work and reading bad magazines (Western Horseman, Catholic Digest), the doctor told me that I had what looked like a partial blockage of my intestines. This is somewhat common among those who have had surgery since we have such a protein-focused diet and we don’t get a lot of fiber. Further, many programs require iron and calcium (milk, cheese), both of which can cause constipation.

The doctor recommended some magnesium citrate, Milk of Magnesia, stool softeners, enemas, etc. as well as a 3-day liquid diet. I got some of the mag citrate and drank that around 9:00 last night. When I’ve taken it in the past, it kicks in within about 30 minutes, but this didn’t start things, um, moving until about 3:00 this morning. Yeah, not a real fun night.

However, despite a lack of sleep, the results have been good and I don’t feel bloated and I’m not in pain, so I’ll take that. The liquid diet won’t be fun, but it’s the best thing for my system right now and as long as things keep moving, I figure I can have real food as early as Friday lunch.

The funny thing is, while I was in the waiting room reading December’s issue of Esquire, there was a bit in there about how magnesium can really enhance your dreams. I made a comment to Don, since I have really weird dreams to begin with, the last thing I would need was to mag load before bed. It didn’t even cross my mind as I was drinking the mag citrate that it might cause some wacky dreams. Let me tell you, this took it to a whole new level. I remembered more of the dream (pretty amazing since I can usually recall things like the color of the carpet or what book a person was reading) and the dreams seemed longer. And a lot weirder, too. Pretty cool…

I did get a citation for “inattentive driving” to the tune of $146.00. Guess I will be fighting that in court. Still no news from my insurance company, so I will just sit back and let that run its course. The police report did show that both of our accounts were the same, so at least there’s no question as to what happened. I’m hoping the judge will see that her stopping once she pulled into traffic was as much of an issue as me taking my eyes off the car in front of me to look for traffic.

How’s this for excitement… As I came out of a meeting this afternoon, the intercom in the office was going off with Security saying to stay where you are and that this alarm did not affect our area. I went into our Command Center where we watch all the calls coming in and the associates who are logged on and there was some confusion as to what was happening. First, only the second floor was being evacuated. Then, it was the eighth floor. We called Security and they would not confirm what floors were or were not being asked to leave the building. Finally, we were told all floors.

In my area, this means we need to stay back and make sure all the incoming calls are routed to virtual or off-shore agents. We also need to put messaging out so when people call in they know why there may be a delay in getting their call answered. The majority of the building was either all the way out or in the stairwells when we got the all clear. For those on the stairs, it was easy enough to turn around and walk back to your floor. For those who were already through our security checkpoint on the first floor, it was a bit more complicated. We have turnstiles that not only read our security badge but also our fingerprint. Of course, that system crashed and Security was trying to let people in one by one so their badge could be checked. In the end, they just opened the gates so people could get back to work.

I was really torn between getting the hell out of Dodge or staying back and doing my job. My thoughts went immediately to 9/11. I’m sure there were people there who hung back to complete their jobs figuring they’d get out in time. This incident really shines a bright light on maybe a little something I need to work on in therapy…
Back to work. I just had some veggie soup and if it stops snowing soon, I may brave the teen temps and go get a latte to warm my afternoon.

Crash, Minnesota-Style

2007-01-26T10:49:00.000-06:00

I was involved in, what many would call, a minor fender-bender yesterday. We have a stop sign at the end of our street before merging onto a street without a stop sign. The woman in front of me turned, from the stop sign, onto the street and suddenly stopped. I had lifted my foot off the brake and rear-ended her. I was looking the other way for traffic and didn't expect her to stop. There is no damage to my car and only minor damage to her rear bumper. Regardless, she felt the need to call the cops. Initially, he wasn't going to write a report since there was so little damage, but she and her husband (who was a passenger) are claiming neck & back injuries. Give me a break - I hit her at less than 5 MPH! I'm annoyed and pissed - not only at myself for hitting her (ACCIDENTALLY), but for her and her husband for using a minor accident to financially cash in.

Anyway, I called in sick to work since I didn't get any sleep, my throat is sore and I was running a low-grade fever. Obviously, I'm a bit stressed but my great insurance company (Ameriprise) is clued into the fact the husband claimed he's had back/neck pain in the past. In California, the cops will only respond if there is more than $500 in damage or physical injuries. Since they insisted the cops respond, he not only had to write up a report, but he has to cite me as an "inattentive driver." Now, I have to fight that in court (or pay a fine).

No big plans for the weekend - maybe a movie, the gym, errands, etc. Both cars are in serious need of washing, we're running low on food supplies and I need a few frames to finish some photo projects. The dogs are in a sore need of a walk or a hike. I could use some serious down time to make sure I don't fully come down with the flu that seems to be going through our office (we're averaging 25+ people out sick a day). I am getting caught up on my Young & The Restless and bad daytime TV. Off to play sick patient and see if Don will wait on me hand & foot...

Walk of Shame

2007-01-19T08:33:00.001-06:00

shame noun, verb, shamed, sham·ing.
–noun 1. the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc., done by oneself or another: She was overcome with shame.

Shame was the topic of last night's discussion with Laurie, my therapist. My feeling of general shame for who I am and what I'm doing. We're not sure where this is coming from, or at least I don't yet. I have been feeling shame about needing to have the surgery, being successful with the surgery, feeling shame when I'm hungry, feeling shame when I don't eat. I feel shame for needed professional help about feeling all this shame. I get embarrassed when people congratulate me on my success - and not just the losing weight. Any success I have - personal or professional - seems to cause me great discomfort. I don't know where I get this feeling like I don't deserve any of what I have, but I'm sure that will be part of my long-term goals in therapy.

Having said all of that, it's with mixed emotions that I saw I'm down to my new lowest weight - 166.0. I almost wrote, "I've really been trying to stay between 167 - 170," but that is totally not true. I have skipped dinner the last 3 nights and really started to watch my carbs to make sure I don't go over 60 grams per day, despite not needing to. I also slipped back into recording calories and doing my damnedest to keep them under 1000 per day even though I am not supposed to. Where the hell is this all coming from?

So here was my internal conversation this morning when I saw 166 on the scale - "Woo-hoo! Down to a new low. Maybe I can get down to 159. No, wait, 159 is not my goal - 167 is. I need to eat more to get back up to 167. But I don't want to eat more, I want to weigh less. I know that for formerly morbidly obese people, their BMI just needs to be below 29 and this makes my BMI 25.9 - that's low enough. No one wants you to lose any more weight. But I do want to lose more weight. I want to be skinny."

And so it goes...

I have eaten a Special K bar this morning and am thinking about getting some eggs, but the last two times I've eaten eggs they've made me want to throw up, so I'm not real excited about repeating that experience. I forgot to bring my normal snacks - protein shake, fruit, cheese - although I have applesauce, crackers and nuts in my desk drawer (OK, I feel shamed into eating an applesauce...).

I know I should be happy and proud and excited about my success. I want to feel these things that all of my family and friends feel for me. I really do. I just don't. Yet.

Catching Some Zzzzs

2007-01-17T16:18:00.001-06:00

Sleep continues to be a wacky mix of sleeping through the night or waking up at 3:00 AM and not falling back to sleep. At least now it seems to alternate nights, so I am getting more sleep, despite not sleeping every night. I think part of the mix is that my body seems awfully out of synch, especially with some of the activities I have after work nowadays. Even though the days are getting longer, I am still at work before the sun rises and am getting home way after the sun sets, so I never see daylight. I mean, I do sit near a window, but it's behind me and I have been so busy at work that I don't get out much or spend a lot of time gazing out the window.

I guess the good news is, despite the cold (they call 19 here a "warming trend") and everyone else's illnesses, I have yet to get sick. I'm pushing the water hard, keeping up with exercise (I believe that sweat helps get the crap out of your system) and trying to eat more fruit and veggies. I may still be tired but at least I'm healthy in most other ways!

I had my second Ashtanga yoga class last night. The instructor commented on how well I was doing and was surprised when I briefly told her my story. She said she never would have guessed that I was ever that heavy. I'm feeling pretty great that I can keep up with the class and get into some of the deeper poses. I'm not lay-my-face-on-my-thighs flexible yet, but getting there. I also was up this morning and on the treadmill for 30 minutes. Since I have some later evening appointments, I'm trying to come into the office later rather than work 6:30 AM to 5:30 PM. Yes, it's all part of taking care of my mental well-being and having a better work/life balance.

No matter what I seem to eat, I am sticking right in between 167 and 170 - even after eating 2 slices of pizza, a full diet coke and candy on Monday. Ugh. No wonder I was feeling bloated. For the most part, I am doing exactly what I need to do to stay on track and continue to maintain my current weight. I am definitely not hungry (physically, anyway - head hunger is another matter at times). I have been pretty good about recording my food, taking my supplements, drinking my water, etc. so I am happy about that. I did pick up a Brita water filtered pitcher over the weekend and I think the water tastes pretty darn good. We have decent tap water here in the Twin Cities, but I like my water cold and this does take some of the aftertaste away. This should also cut down on the number of empty bottles that fill up our recycle bin every week (more room for wine bottles that way...).

On Saturday, Don and I are going to see comedian Lewis Black. We both find him hilarious and we're excited to see him live. We'll have dinner at Solera, one of my favorite downtown restaurants. It's all tapas, which makes it perfect for my eating habits, plus I get to taste a lot of different things. I thought about trying a new restaurant but this is so convenient to the theater (right next door), so we can valet park just once. The other option was to try the new restaurant at the Chambers Hotel, which is across the street, but they didn't have any good times (well, 6:00, but the show is at 8:00 and it won't take us 2 hours to eat). We may try there on Valentine's Day since it's mid-week.

I did book us a couples hot stone massage for the Saturday after V-Day. That should be really nice, especially because Don will be leaving the following week for several days (to exciting Indianapolis) so we'll get some couple time before he departs. The next few months are going to be busy - between our trips to California and Cleveland, his business trip to Indy and my business trip to Las Vegas we'll be racking up the miles!

Off to a support group for those who are a year or more out from surgery. I am kind of needing a more long-term perspective now that I am at goal and working on maintaining what I've lost.

Progress!

2007-01-14T16:13:00.000-06:00

I have actually slept through the night the last two nights. I can't tell you what a difference a few good nights' sleep make. I rested in bed until 7:00 each morning and feel wonderful.

I also finally got a proper office desk (on sale from Target, purchased with gift cards!) and put that together today. It looks great. We had been using a long, folding buffet table but the computer sat right on the fold, and the keyboard was never sitting flush. It's a smaller workspace, which might make it harder when I bring my work laptop home, but that's so rare. I purchased the hutch and the printer fits right up there. The funny thing is that I decided to buy this on Friday after work - the coldest day here in I don't know how long. And I was driving the 2-door Civic. Luckily, two Target workers took pity on me and helped me (well, I stood there and lost feeling in my fingers) load the 2 huge boxes into the car. It looks great in the office, so it was worth the temporary frostbite.

We have an appointment with our real estate agent who helped us purchase this house to discuss refinancing options and the possibility of selling now without doing any major upgrades and moving into something closer to work and smaller. For those in the area, we're thinking St. Louis Park, Hopkins, Edina and Golden Valley - maybe West Bloomington. I would love to have a smaller house (2000 sq. feet vs. the 3000+ we have here) with a similar sized yard (fenced!!). We'll see... it may only be refinancing and then some upgrades and sitting here for another 1-2 years, but we'll see. I do love the area - I would miss my gym, the grocery store, the Eden Prairie mall (movies, Target), restaurants (Redstone, Campiello's). But it makes so much sense - financially, environmentally, commute-wise, comfort, etc. to get a house that we would actually use. There are rooms (yes, plural) that I don't need to go in for months on end. The only reason why I've been in the basement is to break out the Christmas decorations and to use the treadmill. The two guest rooms are just fancy storage areas for crap.

Yesterday was Stock Up Saturday - Trader Joe's, CostCo, Kowalski's (grocery). We now have enough oatmeal, Splenda, toilet paper, paper towels and dishwasher soap to launch an invasion. I also gassed up at CostCo - for $1.92 a gallon! Wow - I can afford the 20-mile commute to work now. I also invested in a Brita water filter. The tap water here is pretty good and I figure we don't need to drink bottle water all the time and have the waste to deal with (half of our recyclables are empty water bottles).

Despite it being a holiday tomorrow, I have to work. At least I can wear blue jeans and don't need to be in until 8:00, so I can get on the treadmill here for a quick workout. It's actually a good thing - I have a mini-project I'm working on and I'll have the time to complete it tomorrow. Plus, this means I get an extra day of vacation down the road.

I did make a kick-ass chicken white chili last night. It was so good - and easy to boot:

2 tbsp. olive oil
1 large (or 2 small) yellow bell peppers
1 medium white or yellow onion
1-2 jalepeno peppers
3-4 cloves of garlic (I used a whole head - about 10 cloves)
2 15-oz. cans of navy beans, drained & rinsed
2 15 oz. cans of creamed corn
1 small can diced chilies
2 cups (plus) whole milk
Cumin, salt, pepper, red chili flakes - to taste
1 store-bought rotisserie chicken, meat removed and shredded (bones/skin discarded)

Roughly chop the bell pepper & onion. Finely dice the jalepeno and garlic. Heat the olive oil over high heat, add veggies and cook until soft. Reduce heat to medium. Add beans, canned chilies, corn and milk. Bring to a boil. Add 1-2 tbsp. of cumin, salt and pepper to taste and a pinch (or more!!) of chili flakes. Add in chicken and heat through.

Top with sharp white cheddar cheese, sour cream, green or red onions, cilantro, etc. Serve with tortilla chips, crusty bread, croutons, etc.

Yum. And perfect for this cold snap we're in. Such as it is...

Tonight is an Asian-flavored pork loin, peanut noodles and roasted asparagus. It almost makes me want to eat.

Beauty Sleep

2007-01-12T09:07:00.000-06:00

For some reason, I have woken up almost every morning at 3:00 AM and have not been able to get back to sleep. I've tried a glass of wine (or two), Tylenol PM, etc. with no results. I've only slept once through the night and that was Wednesday night. I was able to sleep right up until the alarm went off at 6:00 AM and got my butt in gear and did 45 minutes on the treadmill before work. I thought my sleeping travails were over, but I was up again at 3:00 this morning and never did go back to sleep, finally getting out of bed at 5:45. Ugh. At least on weekends I can stay in bed until about 6:30 or 7:00.

The weather has finally taken a temp dip - a whopping 7 degrees this morning. Because we have an attached garage and because I park in my building's underground parking, I will, on occassion, leave the house without a proper jacket. I am wearing a suede blazer, but that does not count as a jacket. This is the second time in two weeks I've done that. Hopefully my car won't break down or anything on my way home this afternoon...

I started a 12-week Ashtanga yoga course, which just kicked my ass on Tuesday. I've only done Big A$$ yoga and gentle yoga, and this one is all about flowing from one position into the next. It's pretty much constant movement. After our first 4 or 5 sun salutions ending in downward dog, my arms and legs were shaking so badly, but I hung with the pose. I was happy I was able to keep up and not break any poses and the instructor only needed to correct two positions. We did some twists so my obliques are pretty sore, but in a good way. Since the class is only once a week, I am going to supplement with a gym yoga class on Saturdays. It's Yoga for Fitness, but at least I will keep up with the stretching. I am also hoping to start going to a Pilates for Fitness class on Thursdays.

I should get to the gym, or at least on my own treadmill, today for an hour. I don't want to slack off on that. We have dinner reservations at 7:00 tonight so I should have plenty of time, especially if I can get off work at 3:30. I have two projects I'm working on but both are about half way complete and they aren't due until Monday.

No big plans for the weekend - gym, errand, chores, football - the usual. Depending on the weather, we'll take the dogs for a walk at least once, but if it remains below freezing, it's probably healthier to find some indoor activities. I'd love to go see a movie as well - maybe the Pursuit of Happyness or Night at the Museum.

I'm doing pretty well on all my 2007 goals. I haven't really wasted any money, although I am sipping on a second coffee instead of water ($1.76, but well worth it!!). I did go to dinner with some WLS friends on Wednesday after support group. We ended up at Granite City Brewery, which was good, but the portions were huge - even for a "normal" person. Most ordered the meatloaf, which would have been about 5 meals for me. I stuck with an appetizer which wasn't what I expected (I thought it was going to be a tostada-type thing with Ceaser salad but it was more like nachos with salad).

The one exciting thing is that I was given authorization to go to a vendor's conference in Las Vegas in March! That totally works since I can go in a day or two early to spend some time with my brother and his family and the airfare is the same. We also made plans to visit Los Angeles/Santa Barbara in February. The only other pending trip is to Cleveland in March to see Don's side of the family. Racking up those miles!!

Resolutions

2007-01-08T17:33:00.000-06:00

OK, a week late, HERE. Pretty aggressive, but all doable. And not one mention of losing weight (well, one, but not in the sense of me losing body weight).

I've gotten some good feedback from those who read the article about my blog. Some work people I didn't expect to see the article did, but it's all good. I've gotten a few e-mails about WLS, so that's good to be able to help those who are looking for information.

It's going to be a busy week. I have my new yoga 12-week class starting tomorrow, a support group meeting Wednesday, psych appointment on Thursday, plus I need to get in at least 2-3 trips to the gym (or the basement treadmill) this week. Plus, I am trying hard to make sure I am packing my lunch and snacks and getting my gym bag ready the night before so I'm not running around in the morning, especially at 6:00 AM!

So a week in to 2007 I'm actually doing pretty good with keeping track of all of my finances and recording my food. I'm still watching too much TV but I'll get better at that. I've even taken all my supps 5 out of 7 days (weekend suck for keeping on track). Food continue to go well, although I still have unscheduled snacking I need to work on. I did a lot of de-cluttering over the holiday, but I need to bag or box it and then contact someone to pick it all up. It's just so nice to feel like I'm going in the right direction with getting rid of stuff I don't use and don't need. I still need to get into the basement to see if there is anything there that can go. It's too bad I'm not an eBay whiz so I can sell some of it, but I just want to get rid of it.

It looks like we're finally getting a cold snap where temps will actually be in the 20s. Still no snow, which means we will probably get hit in March or April. I know it's not good for the environment, but I would love if it was 72 degrees here in January!

It's Just A Number

2007-01-05T07:30:00.000-06:00

I have pretty much come to accept that my weight, for the time being anyway, is going to fluctuate between 167 and 172. And that my BMI is going to remain around 26 (a "normal" BMI is 25 or less, which would be 159 pounds). My body has pretty much stopped losing inches, although my arms did go down another half inch or so.

But it's hard not to contain my excitement when I saw this number - 21%.

I asked one of the trainers to do my body fat while I was at the gym on Wednesday. I had it done back in July and I was pretty sure I couldn't be much below 25 - 26%. When he told me it was 21% I nearly wept. That means, at my current body weight, I only have 35 pounds of fat. Compare that to 164 of fat pounds prior to surgery. I almost weigh that now - total body weight - and that's what I used to carry around on my back and hips and knees of fat alone. So you must understand my excitement...

My eating has gotten a lot better, although hardly perfect. I am getting in 4 meals a day, and often 5 (breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner). I am getting 100+ ounces of water in every day. I've remembered to take all of my supps (with the exception of calcium last night).

Not to toot my own horn, but the local paper, Eden Prairie News ran an article about me and my blog... Very cool, but hopefully not too many people I know will stumble upon it...

Off to play a rousing game of Super Scrabble with Don. He'll probably kick my ass, but it should be fun nonetheless.

Ringing In The New

2007-01-01T16:34:00.000-06:00

Today is the last day of my 10-day vacation and I'm both excited to get back to work and a little bummed I don't have more time off.

The good news is that I did get a ton of stuff done around the house. I de-cluttered the heck out of pretty much every room, although I didn't touch the basement. I still have to box/bag it and call Salvation Army (the only organization which still picks up goods). I figure I can get that done this week. All in all, it will be about 5-6 boxes and probably 5-6 trash bags. I could probably stand to de-clutter even more, but this is a good first step.

Of course, I wish I could have done more on my To Do list, but all in all it was a productive, relaxing week. Most of the Christmas decorations are down and on the dining room table. We still need to dismantle the tree and pack everything away.

After a very dry and (relatively, by Minnesotan standards) warm winter, we were finally hit with 6.5 inches of snow yesterday. It had been raining straight for the last few days and it turned to snow around noon yesterday. It stopped just in time for Don to have to make the drive from downtown home. The roads weren't too bad, he said, but mixing fresh snow, slippery conditions and New Year's (read: Drunk Drivers) and there will be plenty of spin outs, fender benders and crashes. I was glad when he got home safely.

I did make New Year's Eve dinner - Honeybaked Ham (OK, I didn't make that), corn pudding, roasted Brussels sprouts, and mashed potatoes with spinach. We didn't make it to midnight, so I figure we can have a champagne toast tonight with the leftovers.

The rest of the day will be spent watching the Rose Bowl (Go, Trojans!!), finishing laundry (it's dry, just needs to be put away) and maybe playing a game of Scrabble.

Like everyone else, I do have a list of resolutions, however I think I am going to tweak it a bit and follow Cark's lead and come up with an Uberlist for 2007. I know things like spend more time reading (less time watching TV), getting healthy emotionally and financially, continue eating and exercising according to plan, etc. I just want to make it more specific.

Only 12 more hours of Vacation Shannin, and then it's back to the real world. Sure hope the roads are clear!!

Point of Arrival

2006-12-28T13:22:00.000-06:00

It's funny when I think about when I knew I would be done losing weight. Up until this point, it's been a very fluid moment. Today, it was it. I bought a pair of Levi's 501 jeans, size 34x32. For some reason, this was an important moment, although I didn't know it until I was in the dressing room.

I used to love wearing 501s. I don't even remember the exact size, but I do remember mourning when I knew I couldn't wear them any longer. Getting back into a pair is like reclaiming a part of my youth, somehow. I loved wearing my jeans, a crisp white shirt and my black cowboy boots , maybe my second-hand tux jacket. I know, so 80s, but, damn, I felt good. Sexy.

Even though I was able to buy size 12 pants in freakin'-Eddie Bauer or a size medium top at NY & Company, the real prize was getting into a pair of Levi's. Go figure.

Not to say this has brought a total revelation in the food/eating department. But it's a small step in accepting my current size and being satisfied where I am now.

In other news, the de-cluttering continues to go well. I have pretty much gone through the living room and dining room and a good portion of the kitchen. Tomorrow, after taking the CRV in for a tune-up, I will be sans transportation so I can really get into it.

I think I am finally done with post-Christmas shopping. I did get a lot of things on sale and with gift cards - a spree at Eddie Bauer (jeans, black slacks, cords, 2 sweaters), Macy's (gold hoops, 9 West knee-high leather boots (retail $169 for $70!), Target (home organizing stuff, coat), NY&Co (jacket, shirt, 2 sweaters, cool gold ring). I still have a lot left on the gift cards, but I will need things for spring/summer so I can wait until those are in stock. Now, it's all about cleaning out the old and making room for the new.

In work news, one of my reports is getting promoted. I am so excited for her since she really showed a desire for this position but one of my other reports didn't get the job, so I am bummed for her. Either way, I was going to have to redistribute the workload and hire another scheduler. I'm also worried that the one who didn't get the promotion is going to leave, but it would have been this way if the situation was reversed. Just more transition for me to start 2007 when I was hoping for some stability in our department. At least it's happening early in the year so I have time to groom the next newbie.

Off to do some more organizing/de-cluttering. Tomorrow will be the big day since I won't have transport to escape from my duties here. I can't believe that my vacation is more than half over!! I still have so much to do!!

First Baby Step Taken

2006-12-26T17:39:00.000-06:00

I had my first appointment with a psychologist from The Emily Program, a center that specializes in eating disorders. Although they typically deal with anorexics and bulimics, because my behavior surrounding food has a little bit of everything compounded by surgery, they feel that I am a good candidate to qualify for their assistance. The first few appointments are all about getting history and determining the levels of disorder, depression, anxiety, etc. My next appointment is next Friday.

I did have a bit of an episode on Sunday night at dinner. I had spent two days preparing for a wonderful meal. I got out the good china, had a great table setting, uncorked a really good wine (Stag's Leap cab) and cooked an amazing meal. I got through the salad course fine, but as soon as I sat down when all the courses were out and I put food on my plate, I had a sudden panic attack. There was too much food; I had eaten too much because I was tasting throughout the day; I couldn't eat; I shouldn't eat. I mean, I panicked, had to leave the table and even had to partially undress because I was breaking out in a cold sweat. After I calmed down, I tried to go back to the table, but it was a no-go. The funny thing is that I had pretty much the same stuff last night and got through it fine.

I realize this seems crazy to most. Hell, it sounds crazy to me, and I'm living it. Right now, I'm trying not to judge myself and just work through the issues. I hate how I know what I'm supposed to do and pissed at myself that I can't do it.

In the meantime, I have started my vacation week. So much of the weekend was spent around getting to Christmas and then celebrating it that I didn't do anything around the house. I've started that today, beginning by finally filing some new CDs, some of which have been piled up for a year. I've laundered all my table linens, ironed the cloth napkins, organized most of the china hutch, culled some ceramic/glass bakeware and have begun the daunting task of going through my stemware. Holy crap - how many wine/martini/beer/margarita/champagne glasses do two people need? I mean, even if I hosted glamorous dinner parties (which I don't), I wouldn't need half that stemware I own. Part of the problem is the number of commemorative glasses we have. There are four Super Bowl champagne flutes, 4 Dick's Last Resort beer steins, beer glasses from the Baja Cantina/El Cholo/Firestone Brewery, a hurricane glass from Pat O'Brien's. Not only that, I have an additional 14 champagne flutes (3 different kinds), 8 martini glasses (3 different kinds), 8 beer steins (not including the commemorative ones), 4 brandy snifters in 2 sizes and 22 wine glasses in 5 different styles. What am I doing, running a bar?

Needless to say, I am busy trying to figure out what ones to donate, what ones to store in the basement and what ones to keep within reach. I was also going through vases, decanters and crystal bowls that I stored in the china hutch in hopes of getting rid of a few more items. I have a beautiful Tiffany decanter that has never been used in 7+ years, but I just can't part with it. The vases are from Waterford and Nambe and have also never been used. I hope the rest of the planned de-cluttering goes a little smoother.

There is already a fairly good-sized pile of things I know I am donating - table linens, glass bakeware, coffee mugs, picnic plates, etc. In other words, things I haven't used, in some cases, since I lived in New York (circa 1995). These items have moved from Los Angeles to New York (2 apartments) back to Los Angeles (3 apartments, 1 house), to Minnesota (1 house). The eye-opening moment for me on de-cluttering was when I came across a hard brick of dark brown sugar in my pantry in a plain wrap Ralph's label. I could date this back to at least 2003 since the last baking jag I went on in Los Angeles would have been Christmas, 2003 and we moved in October, 2004. So, yes, a package of brown sugar moved from Los Angeles to Minnesota and I still had it, 3 years later.

Besides doing some de-cluttering and organizing, my main project is getting some framed photos hung and order some photos so I can finish some photo collages. I also need to take my car in for servicing, which is massively overdue for a check-in. This is in addition to mounds of laundry, winter cleaning (delayed from the traditional spring cleaning), vet visits (Jager has a partially torn ACL which we are treating with experimental, 2x week shots for 4 weeks to, hopefully, avoid surgery), finishing 3 in-progress books. Oh, and, yeah, spending of some of the many gift cards we received for Christmas!!

It looks like a busy week, but I know I need to check in here often for my own benefit, so look for some more frequent postings.

Channeling Julia Child

2006-12-23T17:51:00.001-06:00

I am in full holiday cooking mode. Last weekend, I made two kinds of fudge (peanut butter with pecans and chocolate with toffee chips) and two kinds of cookies (my dad's Mexican Wedding Cakes and Paula Deen's White Chocolate Cherry Chunkies - oh, my!).

Today, I was at the grocery store at 7:00 AM to avoid the crowds, but had to go back for a few forgotten items. So far, I have made Very Berry Scones, 2 loafs of bread (Vermont Cheddar and Italian Herb), chicken noodle soup for tonight, dressing for my Christmas salad, mushrooms duxelle & horseradish cream sauce for the Beef Wellington, gingerbread & blackberry sauce for the Gingerbread Lemon Curd trifle. The dinner menu is my Christmas salad (red & green lettuce, pomegranate seeds, bleu cheese, candied pecans and pears), Beef Wellington with horseradish cream sauce & wild mushroom gravy, mashed potato crisp, peas & pearl onions, roasted gingered carrots and the trifle. Christmas morning we'll have scones with coffee as we open gifts and then I'm making a Huevos Rancheros with a chipotle hollandaise sauce and guacamole.

We did get a hint of bad news today. Don took Jager to the vet since she has been limping a bit and showing some soreness in her left rear leg, which is not the leg she had surgery on earlier this year. I have to take her in for x-rays on Tuesday, but the initial thought is that she has a partial tear. That could mean another surgery. She was sent home with pain meds, which seem to have knocked most of her mojo to the curb, but she still has her frisky moments. Of course this means no walks or hikes for awhile...

Anyway, the big plans for the rest of the long weekend are having some soup and playing Scrabble tonight, cooking and watching football tomorrow, and opening gifts and vegging out on Monday. I have next week off and a lot planned to do including housecleaning and errands, and maybe taking advantage of a few post-holiday sales with (expected) gift cards...

Hope everyone has a wonderful holiday!!